I’m enjoying the tiny teases of good weather here in New England and getting curious about what flowers and plants will reveal themselves in my yard in my first spring in my new house. This afternoon, I’m taking off for Portland, ME to go see Chelsea Handler with some of my best girls. I had a big revelation about my book this week, which has further humbled me to the creative process yet again, but I’m both relieved and excited (I’m saving the inevitable “oh shit” for Sunday, when it will no doubt hit). My daughter is studying for the SATs and we’re narrowing down her college list and I’m at least half dissociated from this reality. Last week, I wrote about feeling sad about being where I am relationship-wise and the comment section has blown me away; I appreciate all of you so much. The world continues to be unrecognizable chaos, but we press on.

On that note, I lowered the subscription costs for this newsletter and created a “Pay it forward” tier for those who would like to subsidize subscriptions for others to make this community more accessible.

Let’s get into it.

What’s The Dig List?

Sharing stuff I love is my favorite thing, so instead of trying to squeeze recommendations into the other newsletters, I started a series called The Dig List. It’s a monthly roundup of things I’m digging: books (mostly), podcasts, music, cultural moments, art. Read past ones here.

The Dig List: March 2026

Books

How a Little Becomes a Lot by Eric Zimmer (out March 31) - I’ve been a guest on Eric’s excellent podcast, The One You Feed, three times now (our most recent conversation about emotional sobriety is linked below), and each time come away feeling like, Damn, what a good dude. He’s a fellow human in recovery, a seeker, and a deeply insightful, honest, caring voice in this world.

This book is an accessible, soulful guide for lasting change—written by someone who’s walked the walk. “Atomic Habits meets Think Like a Monk.” It’s an antidote to optimization bro culture and I’m so glad it exists. Strong recommend.

Good Woman by Savala Nolan - the first essay in this collection left me breathless. I immediately sent the book to all my girlfriend group chats and put in an order for three copies at my local bookstore. Smart, urgent, incredible writing about motherhood, marriage, divorce, work, sex, art, politics.

That’s not what motherhood is like. There is no drifting away or swooping in; you are the air and you are the wings.

Show Don’t Tell by Curtis Sittenfield - My first of hers! I don’t particularly gravitate toward short story collections, but a friend said I must read this one and I’m so glad I did. Each one is a portal into the inner lives of these quirky, lovable characters wrestling with modern life. It was like sitting down for the best gossip with a smart, witty friend. I wanted more.

When my daughters are at their dad’s house, Jeff and I like taking off each other’s clothes. If I’m right that all of this is ordinary, I’m enormously grateful for it; our ordinary life, our closeness, is thrilling to me.

What Kind of Paradise by Janelle Brown - Totally different vibe, this one. “A teenage girl breaks free from her father’s world of isolation to discover that her whole life is a lie.” Page-turning, compelling, dystopian, will make you think and probably wanna burn your phone. Great book club book.

My father was a brilliant philosopher king, the benevolent ruler of our tranquil domain; or he was a tyrant, a maniac, and a menace. My life was bucolic and happy; or it was bizarre and lonely. Which is true? Is it possible it could be both?

Lake Effect by Cynthia D’Aprix Sweeney - It’s 1977, an era of sexual awakenings, and two families, the Finnegans and the Larkins, are torn apart due to an affair and subsequent marriage. I really loved The Nest and Good Company from her, so this was an easy pick up. Nothing I love more than a family saga; I blew past my bedtime several nights in a row reading it.

Shows

Rooster (Max) - What a delight! I fell in love with Steve Carell (meaning I saw him as someone other than Michael Scott) in The Big Short—my go-to airplane movie; I’ve watched it at least five times—and I’m in love again because of this show. Sweet, goofy, great cast. The father-daughter relationship is healing me.

Podcasts

🎧 A conversation between me and Eric Zimmer about Embracing Emotional Sobriety: Small Choices for Big Healing from Heartbreak and Anxiety on The One You Feed

The latest episode of Dear Vernon answers the question: Is this as good as it gets (in sobriety)? Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or any other podcast player.

Links

If you’ve somehow missed the chaotic discourse on Lindy West’s new memoir, Adult Braces, I’ve been fully enveloped. There’s a lot of crap out there, of course; people who’ve not read the book with a steaming hot take, but I found these two pieces: I Escaped Bluebeard’s Castle. Lindy West Didn’t. by Leigh Stein and Lindy West, and The Secular Cult or Martyrdom by Sarah Lyons smart and compelling.

How We Write Ourselves Alive by (paid article) is gorgeous & important for all writers. “The self that writes is not the same self that lived the experience. It is the self that looked at the experience and decided it was worth something. Worth shaping. Worth offering to another person. Worth saying: Here. I made this from what happened. Maybe you recognize it. Maybe it is also yours.”

If you’re overwhelmed by one thing or all the things, this simple letter writing & visualization exercise was very helpful to me (for my book).

For hopeful authors who are fretting about platform, No, You Don’t Need 10,000 Followers.

xo,
Laura

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Offerings

• Join me Sunday, April 12, at 11 am ET for our monthly Second Sunday gathering. This is an informal gathering for paid subscribers.

• My first Book Proposal Lab sold out, but I will be offering it again this year and you can learn more & get on the waitlist here.

• If you need sobriety support, The Luckiest Club has 50+ meetings a week, courses, and a 24x7 community and App. I lead the 8 am ET meeting every Tuesday. Join with a 7-day free trial.

You are reading Love Story, a weekly newsletter about relationships, recovery, and writing from Laura McKowen. Laura is the founder of The Luckiest Club, an international sobriety support community, co-host of Dear Vernon, a sobriety podcast, and the bestselling author of two books, We Are The Luckiest: The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life and Push Off from Here: 9 Essential Truths to Get You Through Sobriety (and Everything Else).

You can give a gift subscription here.

What’s The Dig List?

Sharing stuff I love is my favorite thing, so instead of trying to squeeze recommendations into the other newsletters, I started a series called The Dig List. It’s a monthly roundup of things I’m digging: books, podcasts, music, cultural moments, art, and products. Read past ones here.

The Dig List: January 2026

Books

The Prince of Tides by Patrick Conway

I’ve committed to reading more older titles and classics this year, and started with TPOT. What an incredible writer Pat Conroy was. There’s nothing I love more than a family saga, and this is among the best I’ve ever read. At over 700 pages, it’s a beast, but totally worth it. What classic or older title should I read next? I have Lonesome Dove on the short list…

Strangers by Belle Burden

Started and finished this the day it came out. Riveting, fast-paced, and nail-biting at times, it’s a memoir about the author’s husband suddenly and unexpectedly leaving their marriage and kids after twenty years.

In The Woods by Tana French

Another stunner by Tana French, who is some kind of wizard. My first read of hers is The Searcher, which is on my All-Time Favorite Fiction list, and this is (astonishingly) her first novel. Why are Irish authors so brilliant?

How to Be a Rich Old Lady by Amanda Holden

An accessible, thorough, modern, feminist approach to financial literacy and freedom (and it’s funny, too). “Let’s figure out money, so we can stop thinking about money.” Follow Amanda on Instagram.

Shows

Victoria on Netflix - a cinematically gorgeous, at times soapy show about Queen Victoria.

The Pitt on HBO Max - just so good. Season 2 is starting off stronggg.

The GoT prequel, A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms, is next on my list.

Articles, Links, Etc.

Reading as a default state by , who writes my favorite new Substack about reading and books, A Reading Life.

A touching essay about tending to what is ours.

A beautiful piece about the freeze response from my dear friend and gorgeous writer, , with a recipe for Lentil Soup.

The recipe for Lentil Soup I made last week, the first batch in my whole life, despite my mom making it constantly growing up. Eating it was something of a spiritual experience tbh.

That’s it for now. Take good care of yourself.

Love,
Laura

Upcoming Offerings

• If you need sobriety support, The Luckiest Club has three programs starting next week—all for different parts in the journey: The Sober 90 (beginners), The Sober Steady (*new* for the middle part), The Sober Life (focused on long-term emotional sobriety). Learn more & register.

• Join me Sunday, Feb. 8, at 11 am ET for our monthly Second Sunday gathering. This is an informal gathering for paid subscribers.

  • February Topic: Fun. This month, we’re not fixing or learning anything. We’re just going to laugh, be a little unhinged, and share the big and tiny things that help us feel alive right now. Register below, behind the paywall.

ICYMI

For Paid Subscribers…✨

Read more

I hope this finds you somewhere cozy and relaxed, or about to be cozy and relaxed, as the year winds down. I spent last week entertaining in my new house: a midweek party for the folks at my gym, and Saturday night a big going-away bash for my friends who are moving to New Zealand.

Friends keep commenting on how much hosting I’ve been doing since I moved in in October, and I keep telling them: I’ve been waiting forever for this.

The last time I lived in a space where I could host anything was when I was married, over sixteen years ago now. Sixteen years! Since my daughter was a few weeks old and we moved to Colorado for a brief spell, I’ve lived in small spaces: condos, apartments, townhouses. Spaces big enough to host a dinner, but not a gathering, and definitely not a party. Just now I counted, and I moved eleven times in those sixteen years. The move into this house, the first I’ve owned, is my twelfth. I’d say it’s my last but I don’t wanna jinx it.

There’s so much about finally having my own home that’s meaningful to me: decorating and creating my space, imagining projects, future gardening and landscaping, rooting down in this town I adore, and the symbolism and import of purchasing the home on my own. But I have so deeply longed to host people. My mom’s house growing up was always bustling with friends and family, food and celebrations, and I’m finding myself wanting to recreate that energy in my own way.

When I met with an intuitive last year and I asked her about my future home (this was when it was still an intention, but I couldn’t yet make it a reality), she surprised me. She said that my new home wouldn’t be a secluded little sanctuary where I’d go to escape the world, but that it would be bursting with light, energy, and people—that I would be bringing the world into it, not the other way around.

Sobriety forced a turning inward. For years, my system required more quiet, seclusion, and rest than I’d ever imagined wanting or needing. My social battery was teeny-teeny-tiny. If I was out—and I almost never wanted to be out—I could tolerate it for a short window of time and then, when I hit my limit, I needed to be home and in the quiet darkness immediately. I thought maybe I’d been masking this extreme introversion with drinking all my life.

Slowly, though, over the last few years, I’ve felt my energy shifting. I've been reaching out more often instead of going inward. Craving people and gatherings and activity. About a year ago, noticing this gear change, I said to my friend Kate “I used to be social!” A statement as much as a question. She was like: HELLO.

So it’s been interesting, this evolution. Unexpected and very fun. I still love my quiet. My favorite place on God’s green earth will always be my bed. I don’t like plans just for the sake of plans (at all). But it’s like I’m coming into an updated, sober version of my social self. Remembering I’m actually really good at being with people and connecting them. That I like people, and doing stuff. Who knew.

With that, I’ll leave you with my favorite books, shows, and links for the month. This year was not a big reading year at all for me, but that tide is turning, too, thank goodness. I’ve already read three bangers this month, listed below. Enjoy.

What’s The Dig List?

Sharing stuff I love is my favorite thing, so instead of trying to squeeze recommendations into the other newsletters, I started a series called The Dig List. It’s a monthly roundup of things I’m digging: books, podcasts, music, cultural moments, art, and products. Read past ones here.

The Dig List: December 2025

Books

The Correspondent by Virginia Evans

This was my favorite book of the year. Several people pinged me when it first came out and I tried to listen to it on audiobook and kept getting lost, so I almost gave up, but decided to try reading it with my eyes. I’m so glad I didn’t sleep on this one, geeze. So life-affirming, layered, smart, spirited. The way I cried. 100% recommend.

Writing Creativity and Soul by Sue Monk Kidd

Sue Monk Kidd is a consummate writer and I was thrilled to see she put out a craft book. Much of this is about the writing life and how its intertwined with spiritual life, which I deeply appreciate. I listened to it on audiobook and will be ordering it hardcopy, too, because I want to be able to highlight and refer to it—it’s excellent. I read her first book, The Secret Life of Bees, back when it came out in 2003 (it’s stellar) but she really won be over with The Book of Longings, which I think about all the time.

Laws of Love and Logic by Debra Curtis (out February 17)

I got an early copy of this and Oh, my heart. A sweeping love story spanning several decades, set in New England, this was both heartwarming and heartbreaking. I felt like I was clutching my chest the whole time and wanted it to end so I could breathe but never wanted it to end at the same time. Similar vibe to Heart, The Lover, which I also loved.

Shows

Task (HBO Max) was my favorite series this year. Mark Ruffalo is excellent, as is the rest of the task. It starts out super dark, and I can’t say that changes, but it gets goooooood. From the same creator as Mare of Easttown (also great), Brad Ingelsby, and also set in Philadelphia. I’m obsessed with the accent.

I’m sure most of you have already watched this, but I’m finally getting around to watching The Diplomat, and it’s so good! I still have trouble seeing Kerri Russel as not Felicity but I’m working through it. She’s awesome, the writing is great, and it captures much of our present political moment well without banging you over the head.

Articles, Links, Etc.

I appreciated this perspective about how healing is making us mean by .

A brief, smart, zippy piece how to finally write your book by —who is an excellent follow here on Substack.

The importance of being average by is one of the best things I’ve read in a while. It’s about Elizabeth Gilbert’s latest book but also not really.

The terrible first draft that saved my book by came at the perfect time, just after I met with my editor to talk about the first draft of my current book. It’s about her mega-bestselling book, Quiet, and the feedback she got on its first draft.

I’ve been obsessed with all of the discourse around the Vanity Fair pieces about the Trump administration (ICYMI: part 1 and part 2) and basically just can’t get enough of it—the analysis, the memes, the photography dissections, the perspectives.

That’s a wrap. Thank you for being here, as always. Have a wonderful rest of the year and I’ll see you in January!

Love,
Laura

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Events & Offerings

The January Second Sunday community gathering will be on Sunday 1/11 at 11 am ET. The first one was awesome; I loved it so much. Register below (behind the paywall). Topic:

• Dry January event at Boston’s WBUR CitySpace on Friday, January 9. Boston-area folks! Join me (and Eric Johnson from The Luckiest Club) in Boston’s Back Bay for a conversation, beverage tasting, and book signing. Eric and I will be organizing a get together for TLC folks following the event. Get tickets.

• The Practice is now OPEN for registration. Join me in the new year for 40 days of daily, guided journaling and meditation beginning January 6. Paid subscribers get 15% off registration; scroll to access the discounted registration link, behind the paywall. Learn more and register for The Practice at the regular price.

• Join me Sunday, Jan. 11, at 11 am ET for our Second Sunday gathering. The first one was awesome—thank you to all who came. This is for paid subscribers; register below behind the paywall. Topic: Emotional Sobriety part 2.

For Paid Subscribers…✨

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Hello, hi, welcome to the first Dig List in a while. The book-writing process was consuming and humbling this summer, but with the first draft behind me, I’ll be back to monthly updates for these.

I’m in a season of ultra-high anxiety right now, and I hate it. We all (or most, I think!?) have our Achilles heel of mental health, and mine is anxiety. Of all the reasons I had to stop drinking, at the end, I felt like I literally couldn’t survive one more day of that soul-crushing terror. Not one.

While I haven’t experienced that exact flavor of anxiety since I stopped, thank God, it’s still been a consistent battle over the years. It ebbs and flows, and I’m forever learning what kicks it up (hormones, too many days without sun, interacting with men who aren’t good for me1, ignoring big truths), and what makes it worse (caffeine, lack of sleep, sugar, travel, too much screen time). I also know what helps (exercise, sleep, my cats, nature, my bed, showers, ocean swims, putting down my phone), though when it’s really acute, nothing helps much.

The tricky part about the way I experience anxiety is that it cycles with depression. This is a common phenomenon: when the nervous system is in a state of hyperarousal (anxiety), the body and mind can become quickly exhausted. So one can go from high alert to depletion very quickly. To me, it feels like being terrified and then overcome with a drained, flat, hopeless feeling; the cycles can run pretty quickly, as in several in a day.

I’ve been on an SSRI (Citalopram) to manage the anxiety since my daughter was born, so for 16+ years, and I’m working with my doctor to very slowly taper off—mostly because I don’t know what my brain is actually like sober, and I’d prefer not to be on this medication forever. I don’t take fast-acting anxiety medications in the benzo family because 1) they’re addictive, 2) I like them too much, and 3) they actually make the anxiety much worse after the initial relief.

I’m sharing this mostly because if it’s your experience, too, it may be helpful to know you’re not alone or somehow uniquely fucked up. Especially in sobriety, it can seem like we shouldn’t struggle in this way, but almost everyone I know does! We drank for good reason! It would be completely unmanageable if I were drinking, but it’s still tough at times sober. Not unmanageable, but tough.

One of the books I’m recommending this month is Martha Beck's "Beyond Anxiety," and it’s one of the only—maybe the only?—book I’ve read on anxiety that’s actually helpful. She has a unique approach, brings in a ton of research, and it’s written in her signature quirky/funny style.

I’ll talk more about anxiety in the coming weeks and might see if I can get her to do a Zoom call for our community.

Okay, let’s dive in.

What’s The Dig List?

Sharing stuff I love is my favorite thing, so instead of trying to squeeze recommendations into the other newsletters, I started a series called The Dig List. It’s a monthly roundup of things I’m digging: books, podcasts, music, cultural moments, art, and products. Read past ones here.

The Dig List: October 2025

Books

Heart The Lover by Lily King

There are only a few authors who are an automatic read for me and Lily King is one of them. I discovered her through Writers & Lovers (wonderful), but Father of The Rain was the hook for me—I still think about that book all the time.

This one was a beautiful heartache. It felt like one long poem in a way. Her writing is precise, delicate yet sturdy, and so, so smart. The longing, the ways we heal and wound each other, the consequences of our choices, the indelible marks of our first loves, the misunderstandings, the regrets, the redemption.

If You’re Seeing This, It’s Meant For You by Leigh Stein

I’ve followed on Insta for a while because she’s hilarious and so clever. This book, her second, is unlike anything I’ve read before. “Fates collide after a tarot influencer disappears from a decaying Hollywood mansion in this unnerving gothic mystery and “incisive social satire.” (Town & Country) It’s a fun, funny, smart, incisive exploration of this weird cultural moment we’re in—told as a gothic mystery!

Dream State by Eric Puchner

I read this earlier in the summer and it is a mood. Not necessarily a good one, but a strong one, the kind that only some writers can create. There’s one passage I will never forget reading; it actually took my breath away. I read it over and over and over again, thinking, How, and wondering what it felt like to write it—like did he know how insanely good it was at the time? It’s about how the events of one summer impact the lives of three friends over five decades. It’s heavy, kind of strange, funny in parts and desperately sad in others, and the writing is immaculate.

Beyond Anxiety by Martha Beck

This is the one I mentioned above. Very good.

Grounded Success by Kemi Nekvapil

So unless you’re in Australia, you can only get the Audible version of this, but if I were you, I’d choose that version anyway. is a dear friend and the kind of woman you want in your ears. This book is excellent if you’re grappling with work or a career transition, needing to redefine what success looks and feels like, or are simply looking for a north star. Kemi is one of the most clear, grounding, powerful voices I know.

Outrageous Openness by Tosha Silver

This is an older book (2016), but one I listen to frequently when I’m in a bad anxiety spot. One of the reviewers said, “If Amy Sedaris wrote obsessively about the Divine, this is what she might sound like. What a treat.” That’s accurate.

For all my book lists, visit my Bookshop.org storefront.

Shows

Just one. The Gilded Age. God, how I loved it. Carrie Coon rules. I could live inside that show forever.

Articles, Links, Etc.

A better resolution ritual by That Glasgow Witch, who is the absolute most lovely follow on Instagram.

I’ve never been a baker, but I started baking focaccia last year. It’s a perfect way into the bread-baking world because it’s very forgiving (I tried sourdough; not ready for the commitment yet) and it’s also delicious. Just made my first one of the season this week. This King Arthur Big and Bubbly Focaccia recipe came from my friend Kelly, and it’s the best.

The dawn of the post-literate society by isn’t an uplifting read, but it’ll inspire you to get your face in a book real quick.

I don’t have a fancy skincare routine, but as a freckly Gen-Xer who used baby oil to “tan” and didn’t wash my face until my forties, I’m trying to do better now. I use all Tula products because they’re clean and reasonably priced, but I recently got sucked into a middle-aged woman on Instagram talking about “In Your Face "The Cream.” It’s a night cream that’s incredibly luxurious, smells fantastic, and truly lasts a long time. (I don’t have any affiliation with this or any other brands/products.)

That’s it! Happy digging.

xo,
Laura

Events & Offerings

• Oct 17-29: Push Off from Here retreat at Kripalu in Stockbridge, MA. The in-person event is sold out, but you can still attend virtually for $99. Attend virtually.

• The Sober 90 begins October 31. If you’re new to sobriety or already sober but need support and structure, this is for you. Learn more & register.

• The First Seven: An email course to guide you through the first week of sobriety. You’ll receive two daily emails—one in the morning, one at night—with incredible support, tools, inspiration, and resources. Start now for just $7.

You are reading Love Story, a weekly newsletter about relationships, recovery, and writing from Laura McKowen. Laura is the founder of The Luckiest Club, an international sobriety support community, and the bestselling author of two books, We Are The Luckiest: The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life and Push Off from Here: 9 Essential Truths to Get You Through Sobriety (and Everything Else).

You can give a gift subscription here.

A quick update: the situation I wrote about recently wraps up today. Letting go of needing resolution cracked something open in me—and maybe the universe too. If you're in a tough spot and struggling to surrender, give it a read.

My last piece, “this is where I’m going to die,” felt like one of the most important things I’ve written in a long time—for me, at least.

Twelve years ago this weekend, I got a DUI that kicked off the end of my drinking. This Monday at noon ET, I’ll be sharing my story at a TLC meeting hosted by my friend Tammi Salas. Haven’t done that in years. We’re also hosting free public TLC meetings today (3pm ET) and Monday (same time). If you need support, or want to attend Monday’s meeting where I’m sharing, come check it out. Register here.

Lastly—big news! After 18 months of dreaming and building, my brother, sister-in-law, and I just launched Alma Joe, starting with a line of four archetype candles. Shop them here and use code LOVESTORY for 20% off your first order. (Valid through Monday, 5/26). More on this soon!

Shop Alma Joe Candles!

What’s The Dig List?

Sharing stuff I love is my favorite thing, so instead of trying to squeeze recommendations into the other newsletters, I started a series called The Dig List. It’s a monthly roundup of things I’m digging: books, podcasts, music, cultural moments, art, and products. Read past ones here.

The Dig List: May 2025 (Summer Reading Edition)

Except for Bitter Sweet, which comes out this summer, none of these books are new. Some I’ve mentioned before, on Instagram or otherwise. All are bangers.

Father of The Rain by Lily King—King is more known for her bestselling novels Euphoria and Writers and Lovers (didn’t love the former; loved the latter), but this is my favorite of hers. It’s the story of one woman’s loyalty to her father over decades. Divorce, addiction, love, loss, and New England. There’s a passage from the book that I’ve never stopped thinking about because it’s so stunning.

In The Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado is the only non-fiction title in this list. I read it a month ago, and it absolutely blew me away. It’s a genre-bending memoir about Machado’s experience in an abusive relationship, which sounds and is dark, but from a literary perspective, this book is all fireworks. If I ever meet her, I’m going to bow. Reading it while writing a memoir was a questionable decision.

Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver is my favorite of her novels. Like most of her stories, this one is rooted in the natural world and takes place in Appalachia (her capture of place is second to none, IMO). It’s about a reclusive wildlife biologist, a farmer, some neighbors, the land, and wolves, over one summer. It’s kind of feral and haunting and very, very beautiful.

East of Eden by John Steinbeck—I read it in maybe 2002, when I was twenty-three-ish, living in South Boston with my friend Kate. I read lying on my back in bed, and I can remember flopping the big tome of it face-down on my chest many times because it was like, Jesusfuckingchrist. It’s so…outstanding? Some may say it’s not a summer read, but I guess that just depends on the kind of summer you’re having or want to have.

Bittersweet by Hattie Williams comes out July 8, and it evokes so many emotions. It’s about a young book publicist and the much older, very famous author she has a relationship with, and the glorious, brutal, searching, wild stupidity of young adulthood.

Loving Frank by Nancy Horan is the story of Mamah Borthwick Cheney’s controversial relationship with famous architect Frank Lloyd Wright. Set in the early 20th century, it explores the complexities of love, personal freedom, and the societal expectations of women. I still think about it.

The Cherry Robbers by Sarai Walker is a feminist gothic story about five sisters who seem to be cursed. It’s dark, twisty, and fun. I loved it.

The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by remains one of my favorite books. Oscar’s character is so unique and honest, and the writing is dirty, dark, hilarious, raunchy, and smart.

A Visit from The Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan — A weird, funny, wild, intensely smart, music-laced romance. Must read.

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin — I feel a little weird talking about this one again because I feel like I haven’t shut up about it since I read it three summers ago, but—it’s that great. It’s about three friends over three decades and is the best portrayal of the singular experience of creative partnership, but also friendship, love, disability, the longing to be seen and known. It changed me and how I view my work.

If you want even more, , whose taste I trust entirely, offers this excellent list of 15 real books you should actually read this summer.

Last, ’s piece, A plan to get out of the woods, is one of the best things I’ve read on Substack recently (ty, Holly, for sending it). And I don’t see a lot of stories about cannabis addiction, and it was never my thing, but I found this piece incredibly compelling; it feels important to share: Slow drain thoughts on marijuana.

Love,
Laura

P.S. If you’re curious about Alma Joe, I shared a brief history here.

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ICYMI

Explore The Archives

Sobriety + Menopause + Book Publishing + Dig Lists + Live Calls

Events & Offerings

• Free sobriety support meetings on May 23 and 26—Join us at The Luckiest Club for three free meetings this month. Register for free to get a feel for the community, how meetings work, and who we are.

• Sept 25-28: THRESHOLD - Join me, Elena Brower, and Kemi Nekpavil for a small-group retreat for women navigating transitions at True Nature in Carbondale, Colorado. Register now.

• Oct 17-29: Push Off from Here retreat at Kripalu in Stockbridge, MA. Registration is now open! Grab your spot.

You are reading Love Story, a weekly newsletter about relationships, recovery, and writing from Laura McKowen. Laura is the founder of The Luckiest Club, an international sobriety support community, and the bestselling author of two books, We Are The Luckiest: The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life and Push Off from Here: 9 Essential Truths to Get You Through Sobriety (and Everything Else).

You can give a gift subscription here.

Well, this year came in screaming, eh? I didn’t write last week because nobody needed more noise, and I also needed to get some real traction on my book writing as I’m building my muscles back up. Book writing is a very specific mindset and form of fitness for me, and it’s…hard. More on that soon.

I’m not telling you why I didn’t write last week to apologize but to let you know that will happen sometimes. I generally publish weekly, but I’ll never put something out just to check the box. If you want to know what else to expect here in the coming year (we’ve got a lot of new folks, hello!), read this.

Lastly, before I get into things I dig, here’s something I hate: Mel Robbins allegedly plagiarized her “Let Them” from a viral poem by Cassie B. Phillips. I’ve never understood MR’s appeal, but so what; plenty of public figures aren’t my thing. In general, I have a distaste for what I see as a problematic ecosystem of self-help/personal development folks who repackage overly simplistic “advice” that has already been said a million times, act as if it’s revolutionary, and then circle jerk around each others’ content and appear on each others’ podcasts and get each other on bestseller lists. But even that part is mostly just annoying. This—if it is true, and all signs point there—is just straight-up stealing and exploitation. We’ll see if MR or her publisher, Hay House, says anything. So far it’s been crickets. Be sure to read the follow-up: Can Mel Robbins Trademark Your Words? Let’s Find Out. The receipts are suss.

What’s The Dig List?

Sharing stuff I love is my favorite thing, so instead of trying to squeeze recommendations into the other newsletters, I started a series called The Dig List. It’s a monthly roundup of things I’m digging: books, podcasts, music, cultural moments, art, products. Read past ones here.

The Dig List: January 2025

Tools

A friend told me about Flow Club, and I’m hooked. It’s “a virtual co-working space that helps people stay focused and productive,” which sounded not like my jam at all, but it’s helping me get real work done on my book (last week, I logged ten hours during a packed, weird week). You essentially schedule and join “flow sessions” that range from 30 to 180 minutes, and there’s something about making an ‘appointment’ with someone and having the other folks there working alongside you that works for me. Get a two-week free trial with this link (if you become a paid member, I get a free month, fyi).

On the book-writing note, I thought I’d share a visual of my cute, color-coded schedule. I’ll write more about this and the various ways I’ve tried to organize this book, as well as my others, and what has ultimately worked to that end and what hasn’t, soon.

A note: I have my daughter every other week, and the difference between those weeks is huge. Hence, two schedules.

Shows

Landman finished strong. Again, I didn’t think I’d be into a lot of screen time with Billy Bob Thornton, who plays the main character, but he’s perfect. Plus: John Hamm always in everything forever amen.

The Pitt, a new emergency room drama on Max, is exactly what I need right now. It's not the most sophisticated writing, sometimes it’s a little too on the nose, but it’s fast-paced and entertaining, and I think the main guy is hot.

Next, I’m diving into Say Nothing. Have you seen it?

Books

I’m embarrassed to say Heartburn by Nora Ephron is my first Nora Ephron novel. But I’m so happy to say it is like the most delicious candy! Or maybe more like candy and buttered movie theater popcorn at the same time. Like Milk Duds in warm, buttery movie popcorn. With a big fountain Diet Coke. Thank you, H, for the rec.

It must be book-writing season because I’m listening to On Writing by Stephen King again. Part memoir, part craft advice, it’s entertaining, fascinating (did you know he originally threw Carrie in the trash, and his wife pulled it out, smoothed out the cigarette-ash-covered pages, and convinced him to keep going, and that that book was what broke him onto the scene?) and helpful. Plus, he’s funny.

For all my book lists, visit my Bookshop.org storefront.

Writing

Author with the best medicine in this beautiful essay about the importance of fallow days as a writer.

on what success means as an artist and what it means to live the wrong life.

Eliza McLamb on how much we really need to know these days when it comes to the news, echoing many of my thoughts coming in next week’s newsletter.

Links and Other Stuff

The only political news I’m getting on purpose now is through Tangle, a truly non-partisan, subscriber-supported outfit. I get 1-2 emails a week. It’s excellent.

If you’re a big Kindle reader like me, BookBub is awesome. You get a list of very discounted titles every day. But also, PLEASE, if you like a book, support the author and pay for it at full price in other formats, even if you just give the copies away.

If you haven’t seen this story break about Neil Gaiman joining the list of terrible sexual predators and Amanda Palmer assisting him in his efforts yet, I’m sorry to be the bearer. TW: very hard read. (I tried to make it a gift article; not sure if it worked.)

Rick Rubin explains why the audience should come last. Related, I stumbled on his podcast, Tetragrammaton, and this two-part conversation with David Whyte is extraordinary. Part 1, Part 2. He’s got quite the wild guest list on the show, from musicians like Ezra Koenig and John Mayer to actors like Al Pacino and Will Smith to scientists like Dr. Jay Battacharya and tech bros like Peter Theil.

And lastly, I’ll repeat these because I keep getting questions about it in my DMs on Instagram (after I post clips of my workouts). If you’re considering getting into strength training, which I cannot recommend enough, I wrote about how I got started and what it’s looked like here and here.

xo,
Laura

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In Case You Missed It

1. Attractions of Deprivation - Pulling the thread on my pattern of attracting unavailable men.

2. What to Expect Here in 2025 - What I'll write about, what I won't, why I have paid subscriptions, and more.

3. Freedom Isn’t Free - On the tradeoffs of sobriety.

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• Sobriety

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You are reading Love Story, a weekly newsletter about relationships, recovery, and writing from Laura McKowen. Laura is the founder of The Luckiest Club, an international sobriety support community, and the bestselling author of two books, We Are The Luckiest: The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life and Push Off from Here: 9 Essential Truths to Get You Through Sobriety (and Everything Else).

You can give a gift subscription here.

Luckily, much art has been created in the process.

Turning forty-seven, hitting perimenopause, and going through a significant breakup this year thrust me squarely into the vortex, but it’s undoubtedly a cultural moment, and I am—as they say—here for it.

What’s The Dig List?

Sharing stuff I love is my favorite thing, so instead of trying to squeeze recommendations into the other newsletters, I started a series called The Dig List. It’s a monthly roundup of things I’m digging: books, podcasts, music, cultural moments, art, products. Read past ones here.

This edition is a mix of an annual roundup and December-specific digs.

The Dig List: December 2024

Shows

Landman is surprisingly great. I say surprisingly because I didn’t think I’d be into a lot of time with Billy Bob Thornton, who plays the main character. Turns out, he’s perfect. Plus: John Hamm always in everything forever amen.

Bad Sisters is back for Season 2 and even darker than before. I liked the first season better, but it’s still worth watching.

And Shrinking totally delivered in Season 2, but you probably already knew that. What a show.

Books

I lost out on a lot of reading time this year because of grief brain, but I still managed to fit in some bangers, and this month’s reads have been one treasure after the next.

I have two favorite books this year. The first is Liars by Sarah Manguso. Yes, it’s technically a novel, but I still can’t get my brain to believe that (and she’s called it autofiction herself, so). When I read it back in August, I wrote this: “I haven’t been this impacted by a book since Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow. I won’t be the same writer after reading it, or the same woman, or the same ex-wife, or the same ex-fiancé, or the same mother, or the same anything. Absolutely stunning. Sarah Manguso explained experiences that only lived wordlessly in my body until I read this. What a work of art.”

Every heterosexual woman I know who read it has reported back one of three things: 1) It was traumatizing because it perfectly described their former marriage; 2) It hit a little too close to the bone on their current marriage; 3) It made them run and thank their husband because, thank god, he’s not like that.

The second is The Frozen River by Ariel Lawhon. I saw this one floating around on bestseller lists all year but kept ignoring it (I think because of the cover) and then, for some reason, picked it up this month. It’s historical fiction, set in New England in the 1970s, about a midwife named Martha Ballard. Perfectly written, captivating, inspiring, enraging story of a true feminist hero. I canceled plans to keep reading it and was so sad when it ended. Grab this one, friends.

I tried to read Blue Sisters by Coco Mellors earlier this year, but my brain couldn’t do it. I picked it up again this week after another nudge from a reader friend, and I am so glad I did. It’s told from the perspective of three sisters in the year following the death of their fourth. Smart, emotional, unflinching, tender. Strong themes of addiction, which I thought she wrote well (the author is sober) overall.

Speaking of terrible men, The Devil at His Elbow: Alex Murdaugh and the Fall of a Southern Dynasty by Valerie Bauerlein is wild. I knew nothing about this story, so I went in cold. The reporting is impressive, and it’s very well written.

Last, I got an early copy of Bitter Sweet by Hattie Williams, and oh my god, this book—so many feelingssss. It’s not out until July, and I’m sorry about that, but I swear if you order this now, when it comes to your house in July, you’ll thank your past self. It’s about a young book publicist who gets tangled up with a much older, very famous author, set in current-day London. It brought up every tender, insecure, desperate, grief-filled, elated, naive feeling I’ve ever had about myself and love, and it was so, so good. I highlighted so many passages, which is rare for a novel.

For all my book lists, visit my Bookshop.org storefront.

Links and Other Stuff

To my point re: women turning on their heels and leaving the room, All* of my friends are ending their marriages by .

The men who like women and the men who don’t. Yes we can tell by snapped something into place for me.

This video of a mom and son covering Creep by Radiohead is whoa.

I made us a Spotify playlist. My 2024 in music.

If you’re considering getting into strength training in 2025, which I cannot recommend enough (and literally saved me this year), I wrote about how I got started and what it’s looked like here and here.

Last, the pieces you dug most this year were, in order:

1. For you, who needs more than a Dry January

2. The false binary of problematic drinking

3. Matthew Perry

4. The Tipping Point

5. Ten Years

See you next year, friends!

xo,
Laura

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Explore The Archives

• Sobriety

• Menopause

• Book Publishing

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You are reading Love Story, a weekly newsletter about relationships, recovery, and writing from Laura McKowen. Laura is the founder of The Luckiest Club, an international sobriety support community, and the bestselling author of two books, We Are The Luckiest: The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life and Push Off from Here: 9 Essential Truths to Get You Through Sobriety (and Everything Else).

You can give a gift subscription here.

Hi, hello! I’m writing this newsletter from Maui, where I came on a whim with Alma to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. My mom lives here, and because it’s such a long trip from the East Coast, finding a time that works with school and sports schedules is challenging. Unfortunately, Alma’s school was closed for the past two weeks due to a strike, so I took the opportunity to leave.

Onto the list!

What’s The Dig List?

Sharing stuff I love is my favorite thing, so instead of trying to squeeze recommendations into the other newsletters, I started a series called The Dig List. It’s a monthly roundup of things I’m digging: books, podcasts, music, cultural moments, art, products. Read past ones here.

This month’s special gift guide edition is where I’m sharing some of my fave things to give and get. Except for Dr. Doug’s, which is my cousin’s company, I’m not affiliated with any of these products—I just love them.

The Dig List: November 2024 - Gift Guide Edition!

Dr Doug’s Recovery Balm

This company was co-founded by my cousin, Natalie, and her husband, Doug, a neurologist who sought out more effective, natural products for our skin. The Recovery Balm is incredible for sore muscles and joints. I use it after workouts, when my joints hurt, and before sleep to promote recovery. I have one of each size: the big one for home, the medium stick for travel, and the small one for my purse.

All their products are excellent. My daughter has sensitive skin and eczema, and the Miracle Balm works wonders.

Buy now at Dr. Doug’s: use LAURA20 at checkout for 20% off sitewide

LAKE Pima Cotton Shorts Pajama Set

I’m a sucker for pajama sets, and these are 100% cotton, soft, breathable, and come in cute patterns.

Buy now at LAKE, $94: 25% discount applied in cart

Quince Linen Smocked Midi Dress

This was my favorite and most worn this summer. It can be dressed up or down, is super comfortable and flattering, the ruffles on the sleeves make it feminine without being too much, and the length is perfect (I’m 5’7”). The linen fabric is beautiful, and the color—I have navy blue as pictured—is deep and lovely. I get so many compliments when I wear it. Plus, you can’t beat the price. I’m a big fan of Quince.

Buy now at Quince, $69.90

Muzen Button Bluetooth Speaker

I stumbled upon these Muzen speakers at a local boutique and fell in love with their retro design and detail. I bought this exact one for my friend’s birthday and it packs a surprisingly powerful sound for its size. Bluetooth speakers are typically ugly, and these are the opposite: they’re adorable. The Button comes in several colors.

Buy now at Muzen, $49.99: 28% off the regular price for Black Friday

Kai Body Butter

My friend Kelly gifted me the Kai original scent lotion this summer when I was in the pit of grief, and the first time I put it on, I almost cried. It felt like love in a bottle. The smell is ahhhh-mazing (fresh gardenia); it’s thick and luxurious without being oily. I now use it as my perfume.

I prefer the body butter vs. the lotion because my skin tends to run dry, especially in winter, but both are great. Scents can be tricky, but I would confidently buy this as a gift for anyone.

Buy now at Amazon, $54: They also have a travel-size lotion.

Blissy Sleep Mask

I love total darkness when I sleep, but I struggled with wearing a sleep mask. They either felt too tight or bulky, or they’d fall off while I was sleeping. My mom gave me a Blissy earlier this year, and now I can’t sleep without it. Perfect fit, soft silk, and it comes with a little pouch for traveling.

Buy now at Blissy, $28.09: regularly $45, discount for Black Friday

Otherland Candles

I love a good candle, and Otherland has the best designs, scents, and packaging. Developed by art buyer Abigail Cook, each candle has a uniquely designed label and vessel. You can purchase a single candle or a bundle of 3 or 6 and include a personalized message and matches if you wish.

I personally love the Canopy scent pictured above: California fig, ivy greens, and summer dew.

Buy now at Otherland: 25% off with code CYBER24

Luminara Flameless Candles

If you love the look of candlelight but don’t want to worry about fire, these Luminara flameless moving flame candles are the best. They come in every shape, size, and color you can imagine, look amazing, are battery-operated, and can be set on a timer, too.

Shop the Luminara store on Amazon: big Black Friday sale going on!

L.L. Bean Boat and Tote Zip-top Bag

Last but not least, the ultimate go-to gift for just about everyone, this tote bag is the GOAT. I got this gift idea from , and have since bought it for most of my friends for their birthday. You can customize it with a monogram, it comes in several colors, and it goes everywhere. Plus, it’s priced so reasonably!

I personally like large size with long handles.

Buy now at L.L. Bean, $44.95: 15% off with GIFT15 through Dec. 3

That’s it! Happy shopping! Let me know what you think of these products if you buy them, and if you have any you want to recommend to us as your favorites, please do so in the comments.

xo,
Laura

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You are reading Love Story, a weekly newsletter about relationships, recovery, and writing from Laura McKowen. Laura is the founder of The Luckiest Club, an international sobriety support community, and the bestselling author of two books, We Are The Luckiest: The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life and Push Off from Here: 9 Essential Truths to Get You Through Sobriety (and Everything Else).

You can give a gift subscription here.

Second, in my last newsletter, I wrote about my experience with Hormone Replacement Therapy so far, and the comments are rich with women having similarly positive (life-saving?) experiences. Same for my post on Instagram.

October has been a flash. After co-hosting a women’s event in Boston in late September, then traveling to my mom’s 70th birthday and celebrating my ten-year sober milestone, I rolled right into a two-day photoshoot and teaching my now annual October retreat at Kripalu.

The photoshoot was unexpected and a big push for me physically and emotionally. I’ve wanted new professional photos for about a year—my author photo is from 2017, and none of the others I have look like me anymore—but I couldn’t fathom getting in front of a camera. Barf. I had a small one scheduled with a friend in August, but it was so swampy and windy that day that we called it off. Then, late September, my friend Elena told me her dear friend and the genius behind all her photos was, by chance, going to be in my area in October. She said I had to do it. I didn’t want to. Then he emailed me. Still didn’t want to. Then I got on a zoom with him and his partner. Felt like I probably should do it. Still, it was a big investment, and being photographed and all it would take to prepare for it sounded awful. It’s a lot for a couple of hours; they were proposing a couple of days.

I held my breath and said yes, and y’all, I am so glad I did. It was a pretty transformative experience and I haven’t even seen the pictures yet! Just one, this one! I got way more than some new professional photos from it; it felt like a ceremony for where I am now, in this season of my life.

Read more

• The Sober 90 opens for registration on Sept. 30. The perfect entry point if you’re new to sobriety or already sober but need community, structure, and support. Learn more and add yourself to the waitlist.

• 10/17: An Evening with Laura Cathcart-Robbins and Laura McKowen in Boston, MA. Join me and Laura, author of Stash, for a conversation and book signing at Hummingbird Books in Chestnut Hill. The event is free, but you have to register.

• 10/18-10/20: Push Off from Here retreat at Kripalu in Stockbridge, MA. This retreat is sold out, but you can add yourself to the waitlist.

I want to start by saying that despite the subhead for this edition, I don’t have any soup recs for you. I don’t want to tease. But I do want your soup recs. Share them with us in the comments, please!

The second part about quitting coffee is true. Well, mostly true—I’m getting there. I’ve gone from 3 large cups daily (probably more like 6 actual cups, which makes my jaw twitch) to one cup of half-caffeinated coffee a day, before 9 am. My plan is to go full decaf starting Monday. That also means no Diet Cokes, which I didn’t drink super often, but enough, and obviously no black tea, which I also love from time to time, or any other caffeinated things. I’m going to do a full post about this when I’m further in, but I can tell you that after just ten days, I feel entirely different. Like I have someone else’s nervous system. Like I can’t quite believe it.

I’ve given up so many things over the years and I’ve always sworn, aggressively, that I would never give up coffee. Nevaaaarrrr. I looked forward to that first cup when I went to bed at night, every night. I love the ritual of it, the way it feels like it organizes my brain, the smell, the taste, everything.

But a couple of weeks ago, after six straight months of heightened anxiety, seemingly uncontrollable bouts of rumination, more difficulty sleeping, debilitating exhaustion, and a string of panic attacks, I hit a wall. Something had to change. I knew a lot of what I was experiencing was grief, but I also knew my body felt like it was in chronic fight or flight. My thoughts raced constantly, and the only way I felt tethered to the earth was when I got a super deep massage.

I went to acupuncture for the first time about a month ago and felt like I was levitating off the table and might break my teeth I was clenching my jaw so hard. So I’d take a deep breath, trying to bring some space into my body, and I’d feel it spread onto the table, and then, within ten seconds, I was levitating again. I’d repeat this cycle for thirty or forty minutes until the session ended.

It didn’t feel right. I knew I shouldn’t be that jacked up.

Serendipitously, my friend Matthew texted me around that time to tell me about the new decaf coffee company he’d started called Wimp (perfect, right?). Aside from being a branding genius (he’s the designer behind The Luckiest Club) and a dear friend, he’s also sober and switched to decaf a while ago. He was disappointed with the quality of decaf out there, so he decided to create his own company. He sent me some bags to try.

I love the coffee and love that it gave me the on-ramp to quitting. Follow Wimp on Instagram here.

So, the first couple of days, I had a consistent, dull headache, and I was tired. The tiredness lasted about four days, and then it lifted. But even with the headache and tiredness, my rumination was gone. Like, gone! It feels like I got off a treadmill where I was running a six-minute mile for six months. I’ve also been sleeping without my Advil PM aid, and although I have some trouble falling asleep and have been waking here and there for a while in the middle of the night, I feel way more rested when I wake up.

I also started hormone replacement therapy about three weeks ago, so that could be playing into it quite a lot, too. And, sure, perhaps I’ve reached some turning point in my grief process, but my intuition tells me the coffee is the main thing.

Have any of you had this experience? Share with us. I am in disbelief.

OK! Let’s get to it.

What’s The Dig List?

Sharing stuff I love is my favorite thing, so instead of trying to squeeze recommendations into the other newsletters, I started a series called The Dig List. It’s a monthly roundup of things I’m digging: books, podcasts, music, cultural moments, art, products. Nothing I share is sponsored. Read past ones here.

The Dig List: September 202

Books

Sharon McMahon’s book, The Small and The Mighty is out TODAY! If you don’t follow Sharon on IG she’s incredible, and so is the book. I received an advanced copy, and it’s hopeful, inspiring, and uniting. It's everything we need in this election season and now in our country. Sharon writes here on Substack.

A friend recommended that I read The Wound Makes The Medicine by Pixie Lighthorse as a balm for my heart, and it’s perfect. More personal than her other writing, she offers a view into her own process of heartbreak when her second marriage ended and a path forward.

Shows

I freaked out when I read Three Women by Lisa Taddeo five years ago, and now it’s a TV series on STARZ! It’s a total masterpiece of a book, and I can't wait to watch it. Here’s the trailer.

The Perfect Couple on Netflix is the perfect show. It has all the elements: a mysterious dead body, the quintessential Chad brother, obnoxious Nantucket wealth, a pregnant diva, whodunit energy, disgust, humor, and Nicole Kidman at her absolute *chef’s kiss* finest.

My daughter recommended Agatha All Along on Disney+. Although only two episodes are out so far, it’s the Halloween treat we didn’t know we needed. Plus: Kathryn Hahn and Aubrey Plaza.

Links and Other Stuff

Exquisite writing by : Ten years sober: the story I haven’t told.

I was lucky enough to be a guest contributor to Suleika Jaouad’s Isolation Journals and wrote about the wisdom of no escape. What an incredible community she’s developed there—wow.

If you need a LOL, the worst breakup story ever.

Mentioning this again. I got one of these Spacies desk pads, and I LOVE IT. Total upgrade to my desk life.

Thank you, as always. xo

Laura

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You are reading Love Story, a weekly newsletter about relationships, recovery, and writing from Laura McKowen. Laura is the founder of The Luckiest Club, an international sobriety support community, and the bestselling author of two books, We Are The Luckiest: The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life and Push Off from Here: 9 Essential Truths to Get You Through Sobriety (and Everything Else).

You can give a gift subscription here.

Well, here we are approaching the end of August. I’m never sad to see summer go, honestly. I like the spirit of the summer, but I’m just not made for the heat, and this summer was hot as balls. Why is that even a saying? I shouldn’t love it, but I do—sorry.

Starting last year, I noticed I looked exhausted every morning, no matter how much I slept. Like hungover-tired. Tired-tired. Puffy face, bags under my eyes, crackly-feeling skin, sheet marks carved deep into my cheeks and forehead. I started using my daughter’s marble rolly thing on my face, buying under-eye cream, and thinking about what I ate at night specifically to avoid extra face swelling.

Enough time has passed that I’ve realized: oh, this is just my face now. The bags under my eyes are just…there. My skin is different. My profile is different. My face has a different shape altogether. I hate it. Please don’t tell me not to hate it, ok? Please don’t. It’s one of many things that are changing very quickly and I feel out of control and sad about it. I’m sure I’ll get to the place of accepting the whole thing *waves my hands around in the direction of everything* but I’m not there today. I’m turning forty-seven on Friday and this is the first birthday I haven’t felt like getting older is the best thing ever.

Even so, beautiful things are all around. My daughter is entering her sophomore year and this week she’s got soccer tryouts, so all my energy is being spent holding the center of our little unit no matter the outcome. I love that I can do this.

The temps have lowered. Today even feels a bit fall-ish. I have a sweatshirt on! GOD BLESS!

My friends and I really got into pickleball this summer and it’s been so much fun I can’t even believe it.

I somehow found a therapist right before my relationship ended, and we’ve met every Tuesday morning since February, more or less. We do EMDR most sessions and it’s trippy and hard and has been so helpful.

There’s more, and I’ll probably write another newsletter this week because it’s my birthday week and I’ve got things to say! We’ll see. Either way, let’s get into the list…xo

What’s The Dig List?

Sharing stuff I love is my favorite thing, so instead of trying to squeeze recommendations into the other newsletters, I started a series called The Dig List. It’s a monthly roundup of things I’m digging: books, podcasts, music, cultural moments, art, products. Nothing I share is sponsored. Read past ones here.

The Dig List: August 2024

Books

I went off about Liars by Sarah Manguso a couple of weeks ago. So many of you here and on Instagram read it and similarly freaked out. Here’s what I wrote: I haven’t been this impacted by a book since Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow. I won’t be the same writer after reading it, or the same woman, or the same ex-wife, or the same ex-fiancé, or the same mother, or the same anything. Absolutely stunning. Sarah Manguso explained experiences that only lived wordlessly in my body until I read this. What a work of art.

The Wedding People by Alison Espach - I really loved this. It’s intelligent, fun, escapist but not fluffy at all. It hit the mark perfectly for a late-summer read.

Next up: Blue Sisters by Coco Mellors (coming Sept. 3)

Shows

It’s been a dead month for shows (minus the Olympics!), but we’ve got some great TV coming this fall and winter. Please drop any recs in the comments—I need them!

Shrinking is coming back for another season! Ep. 1 of Season 2 drops on October 16 on AppleTV, and, yes, Harrison Ford is returning!

It’s still a way out, but Severance, Season 2 drops in January.

Oh, and can you believe it’s been 20 years since that POS Scott Peterson was convicted of killing his wife, Laci Peterson, and their unborn baby? The new documentary “American Murder” on Netflix brought forward some details I didn’t remember and includes interviews with Laci’s mom, Sharon Rocha.

Music

Although I haven’t read much this spring and summer, music has been everything. I created a playlist to capture the mood for us. 🎵

TL/DR: It’s Chappell Roan’s world now, and I’m so happy to be here.

Links and Other Stuff

The Olympics brought so much joy, but this moment between Tara Davis-Woodhall and Hunter Woodhall may be my favorite. It’s this or nothing for me, folks.

The research keeps rolling in that alcohol is junk in any quantity.

This is random, but I got this bamboo bed desk thingy from Amazon, and it’s a game-changer. No more delicately balancing hot coffee beside my leg as the cats vy for attention.

I also got one of these Spacies desk pads for my desk, and I LOVE IT. Total upgrade to my desk life. Thank you .

Upcoming Events

• NEXT Weds. 8/28 at 1 pm ET: “Teens and Their Phones…HELP!” A live Zoom conversation with Devorah Heitner. This conversation is for paid subscribers only. Registration info is below behind the paywall.

• Weds. 9/25: THRESHOLD with Elena Brower and Kemi Nekpavil in Boston, MA. This event is sold out, but you can join the waitlist.

• 10/17: An Evening with Laura Cathcart-Robbins and Laura McKowen in Boston, MA. Join me and Laura, author of Stash, for a conversation and book signing at Hummingbird Books in Chestnut Hill. The event is free, but you have to register.

• 10/18-10/20: Push Off from Here retreat at Kripalu in Stockbridge, MA. This retreat is sold out, but you can add yourself to the waitlist. Also, stay tuned for a digital pass option.

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This is our fourth team retreat, which is hard to believe. The first was in Essex, MA, in 2021, and we were all so awkward and weird from the pandemic lockdowns that it’s hard even to remember. The second was in Chicago, and last year’s was in Boston. If you need sobriety support, we’ve got an incredible community. Join with a free 7-day trial. I lead the Tuesday morning meeting at 8 a.m. ET.

I’ll keep saying it, but I appreciate the patience with my slower-ish pace of publishing here these past few months. It’s the first time in my life that I haven’t buried myself in work to deal with a tough time—and not even because I don’t want to; I can’t, my body won’t do it! It’s been humbling, a little scary, but also necessary, I guess.

Alright, here we go.

What’s The Dig List?

Sharing stuff I love is my favorite thing, so instead of trying to squeeze recommendations into the other newsletters, I started a series called The Dig List. It’s a monthly roundup of things I’m digging: books, podcasts, music, cultural moments, art, products. Nothing I share is sponsored. Read past ones here.

The Dig List: July 2024

Books

The New York Times recently published The 100 Best Books of The 21st Century (gift link), and it’s so satisfying because, in addition to a summary and links to a review of the book, you can mark “I’ve read it” or “I want to read it” for each one. There were a few titles I was thrilled to see on it, like Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin, which is in my top ten of all time, Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout, The Great Believers by , Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver, and The Brief Wonderous Life of Oscar Wao by , all of which are on my All Time Favorite Fiction list on Bookshop.org.

My reading brain is not *quite* back yet, but it’s getting there. I’m about halfway through and very much enjoying All The Colors of The Dark by Chris Whitaker. It’s dark and heavy but beautiful.

Every woman I know has recommended All Fours by Miranda July, but I haven’t picked it up yet. Have you read it? Tell us!

I was thrilled to see Catherine Newman’s novel Sandwich hit the New York Times bestseller list this week. It is a hilarious, wise, and heartening story about all things midlife. Catherine herself is just one of the good ones.

Shows

It took me five episodes to get into this season of The Bear on Hulu. The first episode was like being stuck on a tarmac for me, but it’s delivered in a big way since then.

The Bear Episode 6, “Napkins,” was when I finally settled in. The character profile episodes have historically been my favorite, and this one showcases Tina (Liza Colón-Zayas). It’s also Ayo Edebiri's directorial debut. Episode 6 write-up (with spoilers) here.

The Bear Episode 7, “Ice Chips,” gutted me. After Season 2, I both hoped and feared that Jamie Lee Curtis would return to the show as the only mommy dearest Donna “Dee-Dee” Brezzato. In this episode, she does, and (((melty face emoji))). Most of the episode is a dialogue between Jamie Lee Curtis, “Donna,” and her daughter Abby Elliot, “Natalie,” in the hospital as Natalie is in labor.

The part that wrecked me was when Natalie, lying in the hospital bed after another brutal contraction, says to Dee-Dee.

I feel like everybody’s mad at me all the time.

I ask people if they’re all right way too much.

If someone feels sick, I start to feel sick.

I feel alone.

Or ugly.

Or like I’m in trouble.

I feel like Pete’s gonna leave me. (her husband)

Like, I’m pretty well aware of the impact of growing up with an alcoholic parent. I’ve read The Laundry List and The Other Laundry List a dozen times. But seeing and hearing her say these words precisely the way she said them, with “I feel like everybody’s mad at me all the time” first. God, I could’ve used that thirty-five years ago. Episode 8 write up (with spoilers) here.

Presumed Innocent with Jake Gyllenhaal on Apple TV is a YES. It’s an 8-part legal-drama-thriller series, and new episodes are still being released. Watch the trailer.

Links and Other Stuff

This piece in The LA Times, ‘The Bear’ isn’t about the pressures of fine dining. It’s about the damage alcoholism inflicts, is spot on.

is now on Substack, which I’m thrilled about.

We Are The Luckiest was featured in this Buzzfeed list of 17 life-changing books. 😱

Gen Z loves sobriety so much that America’s biggest nonalcoholic beer brand just doubled its valuation to $800 million - A piece about Athletic Brewing and the sobriety movement in Fortune magazine (paid article, unfortunately).

Last, a little story. On the way to this retreat, one of my team members stopped in a gift shop in Hudson, NY, and grabbed this little book called The Little Book of Encouragement made by Sugarboo and Co.

She opened it up and landed on this page:

She sweetly bought the book and gave it to me. I had to search to figure out where this excerpt came from. It’s from a blog I wrote years and years ago, which I moved over here last year, titled Forgiving yourself (Part 1). This blew my mind—both to be included in this book and that the quote came from something I wrote so long ago.

As always, thank you for being here.

Until next week—xo
Laura

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You are reading Love Story, a weekly newsletter about relationships, recovery, and writing from Laura McKowen. Laura is the founder of The Luckiest Club, an international sobriety support community, and the bestselling author of two books, We Are The Luckiest: The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life and Push Off from Here: 9 Essential Truths to Get You Through Sobriety (and Everything Else).

You can give a gift subscription here.

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I didn’t publish a Dig List last month because my brain has been pretty broken for a while and I haven’t been reading or really absorbing much of anything? I’ve spent most of the last six weeks in the shower, eating takeout, relistening to my treasured Pema Chödrön recordings (shared below), working, and napping. Also: moving and settling into a new place, which I don’t need to tell you is the most exhausting kind of exhausting. This past week, though, I’ve read two books (!), both excellent, and have discovered some new poetry. The best of it all is included in this edition.

ICYMI, I hosted a paid subscriber call last week where I talked a little bit about the 9 things in my book, Push Off from Here, but mostly answered questions and chatted with you all about sobriety, how to get out from under shame, the importance of not doing life alone, and more. The replay is available here and I’ll host another one in May or June.

Lastly, I’ve got two new events to share:

If you’re in the Boston area, I’ll be giving a talk and signing books at Square Medical Group in Woburn, MA on Wednesday, April 10 from 4:30-6 pm. For more info and to RSVP, go here.

My October 18-20 retreat at Kripalu is now open for registration. Last year it sold out very quickly, so snag a spot quickly if you want to go.

Alright, let’s dig in.

What’s The Dig List?

Sharing stuff I love is my favorite, so instead of trying to squeeze recommendations into the other newsletters, I started a series called The Dig List. It’s a monthly roundup of things I’m digging: books, podcasts, music, cultural moments, art, products. Nothing I share is sponsored. Read past ones here.

The Dig List: April 2024

Books

The Pema Chödrön audiobooks I’ve listened to most over the last fifteen years and have returned to again recently are Getting Unstuck and Good Medicine. I have only ever listened to her books and these are actually recordings of retreats, so there’s a live talk quality that brings through her humor. Plus, her voice is so soothing. I also also dipped into Walking The Talk last month, which was great. I owe her so, so much.

Some of you have asked for books on love addiction. Well, yay, I have re-read these over the last six months and can delightfully say I’m not in a love addiction space anymore and not even in an anxiously attached one (be careful not to pathologize normal freaking needs, people!). The best books I know of are Pia Melody’s Facing Love Addiction and Kelly McDaniel’s Ready to Heal and Mother Hunger (read them in that order).

I cannot express how much I loved Sandwich by Catherine Newman. I fell in love with her, as so much of the world did, with her last book, We All Want Impossible Things. Well, Sandwich delivered all the same heart and humor and joy and realness. I lol’ed several times. It hit me right where I live right now. It comes out June 18 and you need to trust me that you really need to pre-order it now.

The Hunter by Tana French is her latest release and it’s a slower burn than The Searcher, but I really enjoyed it. I did this one in audiobook and the narrator does several accents surprisingly well (Irish, English, American). At times, he’s a little too dramatic but it still works.

Podcasts

Ep. 284 of We Can Do Hard Thing with Lindsay C. Gibson about emotional immaturity is incredibly helpful. Specifically, the segment from 29:56 until the end.

More Love Addiction stuff…

Jodi White is a therapist that focuses on Love Addiction has a great podcast called Journals of a Love Addict. I also interviewed her on my old podcast, Tell Me Something True, and you can follow her on Instagram here.

I also interviewed Kelly McDaneil about Mother Hunger and Love Addiction on Tell Me Something True.

Links and Other Stuff

The cringe/groan/vomit heard ‘round the world last week was Kerry Howley’s viral 8,000 word feature in New York Magazine’s feature on Andrew Huberman. The piece is now behind a paywall but you can get the gist in this Atlantic article. When something like this drops, there’s the information itself and then there’s the response to the information, which in this case has been unsurprisingly polarizing. If you want a sample, check out the comments in Melissa Urban’s Instagram post about it.

If you’re wondering what I think, I unfollowed him and stopped listening to his podcast sometime in 2022 after he posted a quote to Instagram from some optimizer bro about alcohol that has been said—and said better—by dozens of women, including me. Was it a petty unfollow? Maybe. I was a big fan of the show in the beginning and loved the simple presentation of complex material. I found many episodes to be super helpful and specifically recommend his episode on alcohol to everyone. But I stopped listening and following because something gave me the ick. Perhaps, probably, it was misogyny? I’ll be very curious how he responds to it all, if he does.

This Reel about Taylor Swift’s forthcoming album songs (APRIL 19 PEOPLE!!!!!) is hilarious.

I played the below song by Jack Garratt in my TLC sobriety support meeting this morning. It’s one of those that’ll carry you through a really dark time. Recommend watching the video while you listen.

Lastly, I recently found ’s Poetry Today Substack and it’s a goldmine. A recent favorite:

Until soon.

Love,
Laura

You are reading Love Story, a weekly newsletter about relationships, recovery, and writing from Laura McKowen. Laura is the founder of The Luckiest Club, an international sobriety support community, and the bestselling author of two books, We Are The Luckiest: The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life and Push Off from Here: 9 Essential Truths to Get You Through Sobriety (and Everything Else).

You can give a gift subscription here.

I’ve read a lot this month, so most of the recs are book recs. I’ve also spent an extraordinary amount of time in bed and on the couch doing absolutely nothing (playing all the NY Times games—Spelling Bee is my current favorite—while half-watching a show). Last night, I was in bed by 6:30. Winter breaks me.

What’s The Dig List?

Sharing stuff I love is my favorite, so instead of trying to squeeze recommendations into the other newsletters, I started a series called The Dig List. It’s a monthly roundup of things I’m digging: books, podcasts, music, cultural moments, art, products. Nothing I share is sponsored. Read past ones here.

February 2024 Dig List

Books

The Bee Sting by Paul Murray. I’m still figuring out how I feel about the ending, but goddamn, this was some great writing and storytelling. I have a thing for Irish authors anyway (The Searcher by Tana French is excellent). It’s 600+ pages, so a long one, but I got lost in it. As usual, I did both Kindle and Audiobook.

Family Meal by Bryan Washington. My first Bryan Washington novel and I’ll be reading the others immediately. I couldn’t have less in common with the characters (male, queer, Black, Korean, Texan) and it made me FEEL THINGS. Different and sharp and cutting and observant and very, very good.

What’s Wrong: Personal Histories of Chronic Pain and Bad Medicine by Erin Williams. Erin is a friend, and this book—published last month—is a work of art, literally; she illustrated the whole thing, conducted painstaking research, and just generally went so far above and beyond to create something meaningful and true.

Podcasts

Believe in Magic - You know I love a good grifting mindfuck story, and this one is Scamanda-esque, dealing with charity, illness, and control. Many twists. Thanks, Emily.

Links and Other Stuff

absolutely nailing it about writing and comparison and grifting and social media circle jerks and everything else I didn’t know I needed right now. Printing this one.

Speaking of grift, I will never, ever understand this world or the appeal of this type of announcement.

An in-depth piece by on the history of “selling out” and the decisions artists have to make now.

There seems to be a small wave of Millennial and Gen-X writers leaving Instagram. Seems like Substack has made that far more possible. To this Gen-X-er, it makes total sense. We’re tired.

Being a Full-Time Writer is The Worst Job by Kate McKean.

Can Taylor Swift Make the Super Bowl from her Tokyo Concert? A West Wing episode from 2001 already answered this.

A lengthy but worthwhile interview with on about how divorce allowed her to write more, not being taken seriously as a writer or a person in her marriage, the extra burden women/mothers take on, even after divorce, and how she began to let things go, and much more.

Leave a comment

xo,
Laura

You are reading Love Story, a weekly newsletter about relationships, recovery, and writing from Laura McKowen. Laura is the founder of The Luckiest Club, an international sobriety support community, and the bestselling author of two books, We Are The Luckiest: The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life and Push Off from Here: 9 Essential Truths to Get You Through Sobriety (and Everything Else).

You can give a gift subscription here.

Announcements and Offerings

The Sober 90 begins next March 1. If you’re new to sobriety or already sober and need support and connection, this is for you. Learn more and register »

I lead a sobriety support meeting every Tuesday at 8 am ET over at The Luckiest Club. Learn more and join me »

If you’ll be at AWP next weekend, me too! I’ll be on a panel with Christie Tate, Laura Cathcart Robbins, Jonathan Winston Jones, and Eilene Zimmerman on writing about addiction on Saturday, February 10, from 12:10 - 1:25 pm.

What’s The Dig List?

Sharing stuff I love is my favorite, so instead of trying to squeeze recommendations into the other newsletters, I started a series called The Dig List. It’s a monthly roundup of things I’m digging: books, podcasts, music, cultural moments, art, products. Nothing I share is sponsored. Read all issues of The Dig List here.

December Roundup

American Symphony was gorgeous.

The story of Kate Cox’s attempt to get an abortion in Texas is rage-inducing. Please read about it if you haven’t already, or listen to this episode on The Daily.

Taylor was named TIME’s Person of The Year. “But I’ve also learned there’s no point in actively trying to quote unquote defeat your enemies,” she says. “Trash takes itself out every single time.”

Bonnie Garmus, author of Lessons in Chemistry, said, “It was smart to write when I was so angry.” Also, the show on Apple TV is perfect.

Shane Parrish shared his biggest failure of the year, and I felt it hard1. I actually winced reading the thread.

I read Wellness, and I’m still thinking about it. In a good way. Damn. Also, It’s not a 2023 book, but I’m reading We All Want Impossible Things by Catherine Newman, and I’m so in love with it. The wit! The humor! The story (which is terribly sad, but she brings levity and humanity to it all)! She’s recently launched a Substack called Crone Sandwich about all things midlife.

My 2023 reading will wrap up with Master Slave Husband Wife by Ilyan Woo and The Heaven and Earth Grocery Store by James McBride.

Best of 2023

Keeping this short and very sweet! I’ve got one book, three podcasts, and five personal moments. I am limiting this part of the newsletter to paid subscribers because of the personal aspect.

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Hi! I’m back to my monthly Dig Lists and am ready to make the call for November. The world is rough, so I’m working hard to stay in my heart and pay attention. A good movie or a beautifully written story feels extra special these days.

What’s The Dig List?

Sharing stuff I love is my favorite, so instead of trying to squeeze recommendations into the other newsletters, I started a series called The Dig List. It’s a monthly roundup of things I’m digging: books, podcasts, music, cultural moments, art, products. Nothing I share is sponsored. Read all issues of The Dig List here.

November 2023 Dig List

‘Bright Young Women’ by Jessica Knoll

Top 5 book of the year, easily. It’s marketed as a thriller, but it’s really not, IMO. The writing is sophisticated yet smooth, the characters and plot are complex, and the story is seriously gripping. I had to check a few times that I wasn’t reading a true story because it felt too real. Strong TW for sexual assault.

I hadn’t read Luckiest Girl Alive, a mega-bestselling novel of Knoll’s that recently got made into a Netflix series, but I just picked it up this weekend and am pleasantly surprised. While I enjoy thrillers when I’m in the mood for something fast-paced and easy, I don’t expect them to be literary treats. Maybe Jessica Knoll is creating a new genre?

Nyad - A movie to pump your blood and fill your heart

Thank you, JBro, for recommending this movie! I loved it. It’s the true story of Diana Nyad, an open-water swimmer who sets out to swim the 100 miles between Cuba and Florida at sixty years old. Starring Annette Bening as Diana Nyad and Jodie Foster as Bonnie Stoll, her coach and partner—both stellar—it’s got all the makings of a feel-good story of triumph. Nyad is a complicated character, but you can’t help but want this insane, impossible thing for her, even as she’s terrible to everyone trying to support her.

As I watched it, I thought it felt like watching Free Solo1, directed by Jimmy Chin, and when I checked the next morning, lo! He’s the director! (If you haven’t yet watched Free Solo, whoa, get on it.

You can watch Nyad on Netflix.

Theeeeee best pajamas: Eberjey

I am a huge sucker for pajamas. The matching set kind. In the dog days of summer, I’m good with a tank top and undies or just undies, but at all other times of the year, I want actual pajamas. As such, I’ve tried many brands and styles over the years and have finally settled on my favorite: Eberjey Gisele Short Sleeve & Pant Set.2

They’re sooo soft, wash well, are the right weight to keep me warm but still cool, and have a classic design (they have prints, but I go with solid colors). I have a set with shorts for warmer months, but I do the short sleeves all year round because I hate the feeling of sleeves, *shudder*.

They’re on the pricier side, but the ones I have have lasted for years and hundreds of washing cycles (and drying, if I’m not paying attention). I often give them as gifts, and they’re a unanimous hit. I don’t have a discount code for you, sorry! They do run frequent sales, though.

The real problem with hustling

I’m kinda late to the party, but I recently picked up Martha Beck’s The Way of Integrity after hearing her talk about “Spider Love” on WCDHT3 and am thoroughly surprised by how good this book is. I don’t know why, but I’ve always kind of discounted Martha’s work, but no more. This quote on hustling snapped a knowing into place for me. I even read it in my TLC meeting earlier this week as a framework to understand the weight of the societal pull of alcohol culture, but also to understand why we drink to begin with because abandoning oneself— or being out of integrity as Martha calls it—is painful and requires relief.

Anything you do solely to influence others, rather than to express your true nature, is a hustle. Being polite to get approval is a hustle. Flirting with people to make them feel special is a hustle. Sitting solemnly in church, consciously exuding piety, is a hustle. Acting a little bit stupid to avoid threatening others is a hustle. Using big words to impress is a hustle. Wearing certain clothes because you want to look professional, or sexy, or hip, or rich, or tall, or nonconformist, or demure—hustle, hustle, hustle.

Mind you, hustling doesn’t mean you’re bad. It means you’re well socialized, cooperating beautifully with culture. But it also means you’re split from your true nature. In millions of small ways and some huge ones, you ignore what you naturally yearn for and hustle along to get the things you’ve been taught to want.

Subscribe now

How one writer got to 500K subscribers on Substack

This is an ultra-helpful reflection on going from zero to 500,000 subscribers from , with specific insights on best serving your audience and growing readership (they’re related). I love how he honestly balances the opportunity available here with the reality of how much consistency and work it takes to stand out. I see so many writers telling everyone to “Get on Substack, it’s amazing!” in a sort of “If you build it, they will come!” way, and that’s just not how it is.4

Yes, he started at zero and is now in the top five newsletters on Substack (which, at $15/month or $150 a year, the math is whoa), but he wrote every week for four years straight and says his average time spent writing each piece is ten hours, which tracks for me.

Not everyone wants or needs to get that kind of readership, but I think we all aim to hone our craft and serve our readers. Why else do it?

You may feel like there are a billion newsletters out there—how can you possibly break through? I felt the same way when I started. It turns out that 99% of the content in the world is not very good. There’s always room for, and interest in, better content. You just need to rise above what’s already out there. And that takes work.

Lenny's Newsletter

500,000

This week the newsletter hit 500,000 subscribers, which I’m told makes it among the top five largest newsletters on Substack and one of the largest newsletters broadly. Friggin’ bonkers. A big round number is a good time to reflect, so I’ve collected some lessons from my journey. I still only sort of know what I’m doing, and it’s unclear where this all goes, but if you’re thinking about embarking on a writing journey, or are just curious about this path, I hope you find this useful…

Read more

3 years ago · 729 likes · 111 comments · Lenny Rachitsky

My biggest takeaway: edit, edit, edit. My pieces are far too wordy.

That’s it for this month! Let me know what you’re digging in the comments.

Love,
Laura

ICYMI, last week, I announced that I’ll take paid subscribers behind the scenes for the next year as I write my third book. My first piece was about how I plan book writing and track progress to meet a deadline. Next week, I’ll break down my typical writing day routine from start to finish. If you want in on this series, become a paid subscriber:

You are reading Love Story, a weekly newsletter about relationships, recovery, and writing from Laura McKowen. I’m also on Instagram, and have written two books. I love engaging with you in the comments, which are open to paid subscribers, and you can subscribe here or give a gift subscription here.

What’s The Dig List?

I love sharing stuff I love (and occasionally yelling about things I don’t), so instead of trying to fit these things into other newsletters, I’ve started a monthly series here called The Dig List. It includes anything from books and podcasts to cultural moments to art, restaurants, or places I travel. Sometimes products. None of these are sponsored or paid ads. Read all issues of The Dig List here.

Books

Exit Interview by Kristi Coulter - OUT TODAY!

I’ve been lucky enough to know Kristi since way back in 2014-ish. I came across one of her blog essays and was filled with jealousy because this bitch is a talented fucking writer. I thought, Who is this chick, and what good reason do I have to hate her? Turns out, she’s hard to hate, and she keeps getting better as a writer, so nothing is fair. But really, Exit Interview, which comes out today, is a fun, exciting, infuriating read about her ten years at Amazon. It’s infuriating because sexism, and because you want her to just tell them all to fuck off and leave already, but it’s fun and exciting because she’s a hell of a storyteller and also incredibly witty. She’s one of those writers where, as you’re reading, you think: HOW DOES HER BRAIN WORK LIKE THAT? Get it, it’s great.

Buy it.

Congratulations, The Best is Over! Essays by R. Eric Thomas

I was told by my publisher that Eric is one of the best humans ever and now I believe them. Few writers can make you laugh and cry in the same paragraph. This collection is heartfelt, funny, wise, and endearing.

Buy it.

Yellowface by R.F. Kuang

This book melted my face off. I read it in less than 24 hours, and I’m a slow reader. Wildest ride. About the publishing industry, but also: ambition, social media, fame, racism, cultural appropriation, gaslighting. Just trust me.

Buy it.

Hotel Nantucket by Elin Hilderbrand

Okay so I’ve never read an Elin Hilderbrand novel before but my friend talked about one on her awesome new podcast one day and convinced me I should set aside my snobbery and get with the program. It was, as Nora promised, incredibly satisfying. I chose Hotel Nantucket out of her 234876 other novels for no other reason than I’ve stayed in the actual Hotel Nantucket. It was quick-moving and well-written, with a juicy plot (including a ghost!), and plenty of twists. As Nora said, life is hard enough, sometimes we need books to be fun and easy and for all the problems to be wrapped up in a bow at the end so we can feel the sweet satisfaction of closure that actual life rarely provides.

Buy it.

Tom Lake by Ann Patchett

Oh, Ann Patchett. Such a master. So solid. Tom Lake is a meditation on family, youth, parenting, and the evolution of what we want and what we need in different seasons of life. Up until the end, it can feel like nothing much is happening or will happen, and that would still be perfectly fine because the story and writing are so great, but then—at the very end—suddenly the story takes new weight, and you’re left like, damn, Ann. If you’re an audiobook type I’m guessing it’s stellar because, oh, Meryl Streep narrates it. One highlighted passage:

I didn’t have to call anyone. I didn’t have to ask anyone for permission or help. A nurse stood beside me and held my hand and I’m here to tell you, I felt nothing but grateful. There was always going to be part of the story I didn’t tell Joe or the girls. What I did was mine alone to do. I tore the page from the calendar and threw it away.

Buy it.

The Buddhist Enneagram by Susan Piver

So, I’ve read a lot of Enneagram books, listened to a lot of Enneagram podcasts, talked about it for probably thousands of hours, and have done a few weekend-long retreats over the years. I went deep into it back in 2016 and stayed deep in it until around 2021. I didn’t give up on it or anything I’d just sort of maxed out my obsessive-level interest and moved on, keeping it in the back of my mind as a construct and tool.

Someone told me to listen to the recent podcasts on We Can Do Hard Things with Enneagram teacher Suzanne Stabile (below), and I reluctantly did so, thinking I’d be bored. Plus, my podcast listening is only for fun and entertainment these days.

I was wrong. I learned so much. And it’s reignited my love for all things Enneagram, so I’m talking about it with my friends again, bugging T to talk about it more, trying to type everyone I know, etc. etc. etc. I’ve found it to be incredibly fascinating, nuanced, and helpful in understanding myself and others.

When I went to visit a friend last month, this book was on the bedside. I am a fan of Susan Piver, Buddhism, AND the Enneagram, so I picked it up. It’s the best Enneagram book I’ve read so far, easily. Concise, precise, and without the Christian undertones many other Enneagram books/teachers have (which, no shade, it’s just not my jam). Super recommend.

Buy it.

Podcasts

We Can Do Hard Things Enneagram episodes with Suzanne Stabile

As mentioned above. She’s my new favorite grandmother/aunt/best friend.

• Ep. 226: Enneagram: Why You Are The Way You Are with Suzanne Stabile

• Ep. 227: Fix Your Most Important Relationships with The Enneagram: Suzanne Stabile

Scamanda

It’s at the top of the charts for a reason. It feels like a true crime podcast and in a sense it is, but it’s got so many other wild angles: manipulation, medical fraud, deception, mental illness (I think), and a ton of WTF WHO DOES THIS AND WHY AND HOW. The reporting by Charlie Webster is excellent. Listen.

If Books Could Kill

I think I’ve mentioned this one before, but it’s one I do a fist pump about when I see a notification come up for a new episode (same goes for one of Michael Hobbes’ other shows, Maintenance Phase). I also subscribe to both shows’ Patreon feeds so I can get all the bonus goodies. This show takes mega-bestselling airport books and dissects what they’re actually about, which often turns out to be: not much. The snark level is ultra-high, so if that kind of thing makes you feel bad (my friend said she can’t listen because they’re so mean!) skip it.

They’re not always dicks, to be fair. They do a lot of research and always at least try and provide some “this is what was good about this book” commentary, but for some books, like Men Are From Mars, that part of the episode is…brief lol.

As an author, it’s a fascinating look into what sells, when, and why. Listen.

The Opportunist

Apparently, I have an endless appetite for stories of people doing fucked up things, probably because human psychology is my favorite subject. This show feeds that need by presenting stories of people who take advantage of situations and other people in wild ways. The reporting here is also incredibly well done and fair; you can tell the host, Hannah Smith, has a genuine curiosity about motive and tries to empathize with the people she profiles. A few favorites:

• The series on Peggy Fullford, the former financial manager for Dennis Rodman

• Greg Gumicio, founder of the yoga empire, Yoga to The People

Shows

The Bear

I doubt you need me to tell you about this show, but on the off chance you haven’t watched it, you’re welcome. It’s intense. Really intense. And some of the best writing and acting in any show I’ve seen anywhere, ever. My family owned a restaurant for ten years so I feel particularly connected to it because of that. Mental illness, addiction, family trauma, woof.

Season 2, Episode 6: The Fishes left me speechless. Jamie Lee Curtis gives a masterclass. Watch it on Hulu.

Suits

I probably knew Suits existed as “that show with Meghan Markle” or something, but I never paid attention to it until it made its way to Netflix in August. This show is such perfect low-stakes lawyer drama. I cannot stop watching it! I watch Charlie HARVEY—I originally typed Charlie! Who is Charlie and what kind of Freudian slip is this?!—and think, You are every man I ever chased goddammit. Louis! Donna! Mike! I need to finish writing this so I can watch another ep!

Substacks

Some of these are paywalled, some not. All are excellent. Note: I subscribe to a woefully small number of Substacks, mostly other authors, and not because I don’t want more or believe there are so—many—more incredible writers out there, I just only have so much time and a proclivity toward gluttony in media consumption that I try to manage. But I want to know who you absolutely read 100% of the time / who you cannot miss / whose Substacks you save for later when you have proper time to absorb them. Because I know I’m missing out on some greats, and I hate that.

Wild Letters

40 days without Instagram

Wild Letters is a weekly newsletter about self-exploration and building a right-fit life. Thank you for being here with me! In July & August I am taking a summer sabbatical of sorts (you can read more about that here), and during this time all posts will be for paid subscribers only…

Read more

3 years ago · 66 likes · 44 comments · Nic Antoinette

Unqualified by Emily McDowell

The truth about going mega-viral, part one

Everyone! Welcome to the new home of my newsletter, which is now called Unqualified, which I am. In my last email, I explained why I moved my newsletter to Substack; it’s here if you missed it. It’s now an option to pay for a subscription to support me in this work, but the essays will remain free to read (for two weeks after they hit your inbox; after t…

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3 years ago · 460 likes · 33 comments · Emily McDowell

Men Yell at Me

Dingus of the Week: Definitely Not Sophie Turner

This is the weekly dingus, the newsletter where I make fun of someone or something in the news. Sometimes it’s Mitch McConnell, sometimes it’s milk. It will never be Sophie Turner. If you love the weekly dingus and rely on it for your weekly laugh during these last gasping years before AI finally takes over and Megatron becomes our president, become a su…

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3 years ago · 514 likes · 77 comments · lyz

Other

This explanation of the Taylor Swift folklore love triangle on TikTok

You will need to listen to betty, august, and cardigan on folklore—in that order—at least ten more times each. Go ahead, tell me she’s not a genius.

Spoak for Interior Design

I love interior design. Planning spaces, designing corners, finding the perfect chair/side table/rug/arrangement of objects. If I had limited money it would never stop. Earlier this summer, I got a new office/hideaway space and got to design a couple of rooms from scratch. There were so many possibilities, my eyes were going crossed Pinning things, and I needed something to organize myself and help me visualize a whole room. Then I found Spoak and behold!

It provides several ways to design a room quickly and easily starting at $9.99 a month. You just create an account, fill out your room dimensions, and use their templates and tools to move around the elements of a room easily to see which layout works best. You can also create mood boards and upload photos of different furniture and elements to see how it all comes together.

I was able to design both rooms within a couple of weeks, so I only paid for one month, and it saved me so much guesswork. Check it out.

Easyplant - Plants!

I love plants and have over twenty-five of them now. But I find that with the high humidity here it’s really easy for plants to get root rot. Plus, I travel often, and it’s easy to miss watering them, or to overwater them because I don’t want to leave them thirsty. So while Easyplant can be expensive, I think it’s saved me money in the end because the plants stay healthy!

It’s an online plant store, and the magic is all in the pots, which have a self-watering feature. You just pour a bunch of water into the opening and don’t think about it again until it gets empty, which takes a couple of weeks to a month, depending. The pots come in gorgeous colors, and they indicate which plants are pet-friendly, low-light, etc. in the store. Enjoy. 🪴

What’re you digging??? Tell me!

Laura

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You are reading Love Story, a weekly newsletter about relationships, recovery, and writing from Laura McKowen. I’m also on Instagram, and have written two books. I love engaging with you in the comments, which are open to paid subscribers, and you can subscribe here or give a gift subscription here.

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What’s The Dig List?

I love sharing stuff I love (and occasionally yelling about things I don’t), so instead of trying to fit these things into other newsletters, I’ve started a monthly series here called The Dig List. I’ll include anything from books and podcasts to cultural moments to art, restaurants, or places I travel. Sometimes, I’ll include products (never sponsored). Also, I don’t do paid subscriber audio narration for these because lists and links don’t translate very well in that format.

Later this week, I’ll be answering subscriber questions in my monthly AMA. I’m answering the often-asked question, “Why did you return to social media?” as well as one about relapsing and one about how I handle being jealous of / feeling competitive with other writers. This will be for paid subscribers only.

Dig List, May 2023

1. ‘Things are definitely opening up: the rise of older female writers’ (The Guardian)

If you’re one of the many women I hear from who’s sure it’s too late to write that novel or publish that memoir, this article in The Guardian is proof you’re wrong. Things are definitely opening up: the rise of older female writers tells us “unpublished authors in their 60s, 70s, and 80s are now at a premium in the book world – with radical, edgy women in high demand.” Recent bangers like The Paper Palace, Lessons in Chemistry, and Tresspasses (all excellent) are debut novels from ~women of a certain age~ published in the last couple of years.

Rejoice!

2. The National’s new album

The National have been a steady favorite over the past fifteen years and their new album, ‘The First Two Pages of Frankenstein’, has been in constant rotation since it was released. Matt Berninger’s voice is like the bass note of my heartbeat and Aaron Dessner, a member of the band, is also the genius collaborator behind Taylor Swift’s ‘evermore’ and ‘folklore’ albums.

This song, The Alcott, features Taylor herself. In my dreamiest dreams, The National was going to make a surprise appearance at the show I attended earlier this month. It didn’t happen, and perhaps it’s for the best; I might have perished.

/ Give me some tips to forget you /

3. Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour

If you’ve been around here for a minute, you know I’m a pretty die-hard fan. I started to really pay attention to her when ‘1989’ was released in 2014, ‘Reputation’ was an entire mood, ‘Lover’ wooed me, and ‘evermore’ and ‘folklore’ literally got me through the pandemic. It’s the storytelling for me; she’s a genius in this regard. Still, I’m not a big concert-goer in general these days (too picky, too in love with my bed and my bedtime) and a stadium concert is pretty close to my idea of hell, so despite my deep love for TS, when it proved impossible to get tickets for the Eras tour, I resigned to missing it without much heartbreak. Alma was dying to go, though, and I was willing to make some effort for her—especially to see it with her.

When the tour started, and clips of it started showing up in my Instagram feed, I quickly flicked past them and even muted some accounts. I didn’t want to see! It hurt! But then, it became impossible to avoid: everyone was going, and everyone was raving about it. Still, no plan to get tickets.

Then, in late April, one of T’s colleagues came through. Did we want four tickets? I didn’t believe they were real until I saw them with my own eyeballs.

They were real.

So, on Sunday, May 21, me and Alma and two of our closest friends went to the show at Gillette Stadium.

It was truly the best show I’ve ever seen in my life. It was one of the best nights of my life, period. She played for three and a half hours non-stop and seemed to be enjoying the absolute hell out of every moment. The night before, it rained—deluged—for the entire show, and she showed no wear (but her piano did, as you’ll see).

I’ve replayed the night so many times in my head since, and the word that comes up for me most is goodness. There was so much fucking good happening in that stadium—so much joy and light and happiness and levity and feeling—in a world that feels otherwise crushing and dark these days. I didn’t see one intoxicated person. None of the usual weird shit that happens at concerts was happening. So many kids with their parents at ages when kids don’t usually want to be with their parents! Thousands of people smashed up against each other, singing and dancing and sweating when just two years ago, we were unable to imagine such a thing ever happening again.

Here are some of my favorite outtakes.

The outfits were insane:

Alma dancing:

Phoebe Bridgers was an opener (!) and came out to sing Nothing New.

This guy. The entire show.

For each show, Taylor plays two acoustic “surprise songs" —one on guitar, one on piano. The guitar one for our show was I Think He Knows from ‘Lover’ which THRILLED Alma and me because, for the longest time, when she sings “Bless my soul,” we thought she was saying, “That’s my toe.” You can hear us laughing about it in the clip.

And thennnnn, she went to play the surprise piano song, and this happened…

@sofiaeatsnycTHE PIANO DIDNT WOR JFFNFNF #gillette #taylorswift #fyp #swifttok #swiftie #theerastour #eras #taylor #concert # #swift #theeras #erastour #gillettetstheerastour #bostontstheerastour

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Last song, last clip. #karma

The day after the show I was so tired and overwhelmed that I canceled everything on my calendar, rewatched clips, and wept. I’ll never forget it.

4. The season finale of Succession (the penultimate episode, actually, though)

If you haven’t watched this show yet, SKIP AHEAD SPOILERS.

The season finale of Succession aired on Sunday, and I’ve never been so relieved for a show to end in my fucking life. I’ve also never hated watching a show while simultaneously thinking This is so goddamn good the entire time. Stomach aches. Every. Time.

I had to put it on the Dig List, though, because I need to mark this moment in our cultural history. It’s hard to recommend this show to people because everyone in it is just so terrible, but it’s also impossible not to recommend it. What an epic piece of work.

For me, the penultimate episode was some of the best television I’ve ever seen. And it was Shiv’s eulogy that hit me hardest. “He couldn’t fit a whole woman into his head.” I relate.

5. On Our Best Behavior by Elise Loehnen

This book is rocking me. Elise breaks down the ways women have internalized the seven deadly sins (even if you aren’t religious) and the price we pay for it. I’m still reading it, going slow on purpose, but it’s edifying, needed, wise, and bold, and please just go get this book.

She also has a quiz on her website to see which of the sins lives in you.

That’s it for this round! As always, tell me what you think. Back in your inbox later this week.

Love,
Laura

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The Luckiest Club now has over 40 meetings every week, a private App, and so much more. Check it out with a 7-day free trial.

Join me for a retreat at The Art of Living in July, or at Kripalu in October. Both are almost sold out.

Hey heyyyy, Happy Friday!

I love sharing stuff I love (and occasionally yelling about things I don’t), so instead of trying to fit these things into other newsletters, I decided to start a little series here called Dig List, and this is the first one. I’ll do it monthly-ish. It’ll include books, of course, but also sometimes shows, podcasts/podcast episodes, and occasionally products (never sponsored).

I’m not going to do audio narration for these types of posts because lists and a bunch of links don’t translate very well in that format.

Dig List, April 2023

1. ‘What to Do if a Friend Ghosts You’ (The New York Times)

The day after I published the piece about friendship ghosting, this article came was published in The New York Times, which is cool. It’s a short piece, but it talks about the basic psychology of ghosting, why it hurts so much, and some (kind of obvious) things you can do to cope.

2. The new HBO doc about Jason Isbell

I was afraid to watch this because I love Jason Isbell and his music fiercely, but I’m so glad I dove in over the weekend. A fair amount of it is about his addiction and sobriety and how both impact his work and relationship with his wife, Amanda Shires. (She comes out as the real MVP in it, though I already kind of suspected she was.)

Here’s the trailer. His voice, I cannot.

Also, let’s not forget this happened last year at sxsw. He was kinder than I even imagined and also hilarious.

3. Succession - Season 4, Episode 3

Skip this part if you don’t want spoilers!

Apparently, this episode marked a series high for the show at 2.5 million viewers. I’ve loved Succession from the beginning, even though it’s hard to watch sometimes because EVERYONE IS F*CKING TERRIBLE. There are literally zero redeeming characters on this show, and while that’s sort of the point, it can wear on the psyche. Still, all the season finales are among—if not the—best I’ve ever seen on television. But nothing tops the most recent episode, episode 3, of this final season.

Logan dies in this episode, but it’s not until the very end—when you see his body being carried off the plane in a bodybag—that you’re sure he’s died. This is both agonizing and perfect because Logan is haunting, oppressive, and unpredictable; how else would he go out?

Anyway, all the suffering and cringing and come ON-ing I’ve done at this show was worth it for this one moment:

I had to stop, rewind, and pause to look at them a little longer. Their expressions! Their hands! Sarah Snook! I die!

Overall, the writing in this last season is just insane. Like they took what was already level ten and turned it up to twenty-five. Vogue captured the best lines from season 4, episode 3 here. My favorite is from Roman: “Are you a c*nt? Okay! Give me a buzz!”. I love you, Roman.

Also, I’ve never before listened to a podcast about a show until now, but Kara Swisher is so great I have faithfully listened to her host the Succession podcast for the past two seasons.

This show will definitely go down as one of my all-time faves.

4. The Creative Act by Rick Rubin

I started by listening to it on audiobook (strong recommend; his voice is gravelly and grounding)—a little bit each night—and was surprised at how much I got from it right away. It’s a series of short lessons/meditations/musings on creativity, the artist’s mindset, the purpose of art, the myths of success, the comparison trap, and so on. A book like this could easily be vapid, arrogant, or saccharine, but it’s none of those things. It’s excellent.

I bought the hardcover too because it’s the kind of book I want to have around the house: bedstand, office, coffee table. Plus, it’s visually cool; they went with no cover flap and this super minimalist look. As my daughter would say, it’s ~aesthetic~.

5. Pineapple Street by Jenny Jackson

Before I get into this one, because this book is one I very much did not like, let me say a few things. Art is always subjective. My opinion is just my opinion. I’ve loved wildly unpopular books and have hated wildly popular ones; it doesn’t matter. But part of the fun of consuming art is talking about it, and sometimes that means talking about the things we don’t like and why. I wouldn’t do this publicly, like on my Instagram feed, and I very rarely (maybe two or three times total) leave negative reviews on Goodreads or Amazon. In the cases where I’ve done those, they’ve been for massively successful books where I’ve been so offended and/or confused by the book that I feel compelled to say as much (*cough* Matthew Perry’s memoir *cough*). Okay, so…

Pineapple Street was written by Jenny Jackson, a superstar editor in the publishing world, the force behind books like Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow, which is in my top ten of all time. Clearly, she’s talented. This book got SO MUCH PRESS. It was, and is, everywhere. It actually came out the same day Push Off from Here did, and although I’d already pre-ordered it on Kindle, when I went to my book event that night in Harvard Square, I bought a hard copy because I had a feeling—based on all the hype—that I was going to love it. Plus, the cover is great.

The story is about an uber-wealthy family in New York City and all the dynamics and trappings of that type of privilege and money. The first chapter starts out with this dialogue scene where so brands are dropped—in a way that was unrealistic because people just don’t talk that way—that I thought I was reading satire. I thought, Oh, okay, this is a parody of New York wealth, but no.

I kept going, and I kept waiting for things to pick up, for something to happen, but…nothing—ever—happens. Nothing! It’s three-hundred pages of a sort of petering plot about privilege and wealth resisting change but also, sort of, kind of, in a totally formulaic and forced way, “waking up.” The characters felt one-dimensional, the dialogue was awkward, and the “awakenings” were so performative I hated every single character by the end. In fact, I hate-read the last half of the book.

I really wanted to love this one. I learned a lot reading it in terms of what works for me and what doesn’t, so that’s good? But, yikes. Was this a thing where nobody wanted to give her honest criticism because of who she is in the publishing industry? Did it get flattened or sharpened in the wrong ways during the editing process? Was it supposed to be frustrating? I don’t know, but I haven’t been that mad finishing a book in a long time.

6. Audiobooks, in general.

I’ve always liked listening to non-fiction books on audio because you can kind of jump in and out, go forward and back, without worrying too much about missing something critical, whereas with fiction, it felt like I’d zone out too easily or miss something essential in the book by not absorbing the words with my eyeballs. As of late, though, I’ve turned and am loving listening to fiction on audio, even preferring it sometimes?! These are three excellent audiobooks I’ve finished in the past month.

• Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt, read by Marin Ireland and Michael Urie

• I Have Some Questions for You by Rebecca Makkai, read by Julia Whelan

• Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver, narrated by Charlie Thurston

7. Cheryl Strayed talks about her decision to drink less.

Last month, published a piece here about her journey to drinking less, titled A Problem Without A Problem (you need to be a subscriber to read). I thought it was great, not only because it’s beautifully written but because by writing about it, she’s giving so many people permission to talk about their relationship with alcohol, and I’m always for that, obviously. She also shared about it this week on the We Can Do Hard Things podcast and mentioned my work, which was 😍. (The drinking discussion happens in the first 15 minutes if you want to listen.)

That’s it for this round! As always, tell me what you think. See you next week.

Love,
Laura

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Offerings & Events

I’ll be in San Diego and Portland, Oregon, next week for book tour. Join me!

Push Off from Here is available everywhere books are sold now. Grab it.

If you’re looking for sobriety support—whether you’re brand new or years in—The Luckiest Club now has over 40 meetings every week, a private App, and so much more. Check it out with a 7-day free trial.

Join me at The Art of Living in July for a retreat.