"Success Stories"
The truth about privilege, support systems, and more
Last Thursday, we aired the last episode of my podcast, Tell Me Something True. In it, I shared, among other things, the reasons why we decided to end it. One of those reasons for me personally was that I wanted to work less. As I shared in the episode, the show wasn’t a profitable enterprise, so ending this job (podcasting is, at least, a part-time job; don’t let anyone tell you different!) didn’t mean losing income. But what if it had been? What if the show had been my primary source of income—how I pay my bills, support myself and my daughter, buy groceries, and so on? Would I have been able to drop it? No, probably not.
The point I want to make is not about my podcast or this specific decision, though, it’s about the broader privileges and support structures we have (or don’t) in our lives that make it possible for us to pursue and achieve certain things.
It’s the part that gets left out of many (most?) of the success stories you see, especially in the online entrepreneurial / coaching / personal development spaces. The coach who “built an 8-figure coaching business in just two years,” the podcaster who “started recording in her closet ten days postpartum without any following and now makes millions,” the “multiple New York Times bestselling author who only had an 8th-grade education,” (These are all real statements by real people, btw.)
When I quit my job in advertising six years ago to work for myself, I was a single mom with six-figure debt. That sounds scary, right? It was, but here’s what I also had:
A responsible, stable co-parent who shared 50/50 in all aspects of Alma’s caretaking, from custody to finances
Emotional support from friends and family
A personal loan from an entrepreneurial friend who saw what I was trying to do and offered to help because I couldn’t get a bank loan; this gave me a 6–9-month bridge until I started making income myself
A master’s degree level education in business and marketing
15 years of experience in digital marketing, which meant that I could build a website for myself, among other extremely useful things
A strong professional network
Good health, mentally and physically (and a healthy daughter and healthy parents)
In other words, I had a lot of support, privileges, and advantages that many don’t. Yes, of course, I worked hard. Yes, I had worked for free for years, writing, podcasting, and creating with no guarantee that it would amount to anything. Yes, I had to be willing to take risks and deal with naysayers and shift my beliefs about myself and all that, blah blah. But that’s only half of the story, maybe less; the other half, the more important half, is the list up there.
I didn’t see it this way initially, and I certainly wouldn’t have admitted to it publicly if I did because I thought it took away from my efforts and my talents. But today, having been at it for six years, I see it very clearly. And I don’t believe acknowledging these things takes away from me or my story at all. It’s just the truth.
Would I have eventually been able to switch careers and pursue becoming an author without all those things? Maybe. It might have taken longer, or it may not have happened (especially if I wasn’t healthy) at all, I don’t know. It’s impossible to know.
What I do know, and what I want you to hear today, is that these factors matter, and they’re very, very real. Since last week’s episode dropped, I've received about a dozen notes commenting on this part of the show. One woman said she had been down on herself for so long for not achieving more, or as fast, as other people in her field. But the reality is she doesn’t have a responsible co-parent or financial security, and one of her parents is unwell and requires care, and that requires a ton of energy and time (of course!). So perhaps she should give herself a break.
Perhaps you should give yourself one, too. Everyone has different circumstances, backgrounds, and support structures. Most of the time, especially online and in certain spaces as I listed above, the advantages people had or have, are purposefully omitted from the success story. Sometimes, the "rags" parts of the "rags to riches" stories are entirely made up!
This doesn't mean that if your circumstances aren't ideal, you should give up, of course. I'm just saying our situations are all widely different. Be discerning about who you look to as an example, and question what you can't see. Question people who make it (anything!) sound easy and formulaic. Give yourself some grace if you're not where you think you should be; usually, that "should" is based on something that's not real or even attainable.
What do you think?
What a great, honest message, Laura. Thank you for your realness and remaining humble and sensitive. 💕
One note on support. Divorce is firmly denied in U.S. media. If it wasn't mixed identities would be acceptable in mainstream society as one parent (usually the mother) falls into poverty, where father may have always been in a well-to-do bracket. Ethnicity is dealt the same game. When WILL western society accept Black, Latina, White, Asian, and Native have ALWAYS had greys? This may not be a concern for most, but without social support from anyone I don't even exist in mainstream -- making survival ever-so-much-more unbearable.