You Be The One

Recap of the 'Push Off from Here' retreat, including a playlist, receipts of the burning, an excerpt from my book, and an invitation to connect (even if you weren't there).

First! The Sober 90 begins NEXT WEEK, November 1. If you’re new to sobriety or have some time but need more support and community, learn more and register here.

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I’m still coming off the retreat hangover (the good kind) from last weekend’s ‘Push Off from Here’ retreat at Kripalu. I always warn people that they may experience one: feeling tired, emotional, or just plain out of it for a few days following a retreat. But teachers get them too—or, I do. Every time. This one is particularly tough because it’s also the time of the month when I have a migraine for 3-4 days (yay, hormones! yay, peri!).

That said, it is the only kind of hangover I’d want, and this weekend was really beautiful. It was my last event of the year and a perfect way to end.

In this retreat, we journeyed through the nine things from my latest book, Push Off from Here.

1. It is not your fault.

2. It is your responsibility.

3. It is unfair that this is your thing.

4. This is your thing.

5. This will never stop being your thing until you face it.

6. You can’t do it alone.

7. Only you can do it.

8. You are loved.

9. We will never stop reminding you of these things.

Many people who showed up are sober or getting sober because that’s been the focus of my work, but there are other ‘things’ people bring into the space too, and it can be heavy stuff. This is good, important—even essential—work to do in these times and we go through an absurd amount of Kleenex, but we laugh a lot too.

I kicked off the retreat by reading one of my favorite poems, The Holy Longing by Goethe.

Some people come to these retreats with a friend or two, but I’d say most come solo, and nearly everyone has a big desire to connect with other people. We even did this whole exercise about imagining a “Bigger Boat” (it’s in the book), which is a space where you’re fully accepted and loved and challenged by people who get you and have similar values and wants (because oftentimes, our families and friends aren’t it). It’s always kind of ironic doing that exercise with a big group because I just know that what most people want and need is right in the room. Their “Bigger Boat” may literally be right there, but they don’t know each other, and while we do try to facilitate opportunities to talk, that’s not the focus of the retreat.

So, that’s partially what this newsletter is for, to give you the opportunity to connect with other people who were at the retreat, or even if you weren’t there to do the same. More on that at the end.

Note: I am now booked to teach another retreat at Kripalu in 2024, dates are October 18-20. It’s not open for registration yet, but when it is, this community will be the first to know!

Burning the ‘Things’

For #4, we asked each of the attendees to write down their ‘thing’ on a piece of paper, and then dear Alexander, who assisted me all weekend, took all the papers back to Hudson, New York, and burned them for us. I’ll say it again for everyone: THANK YOU ALEXANDER, you are the most lovely and I couldn’t have done the weekend without you.

Me and Alexander

I posted a few highlights on Instagram here:

laura_mckowen

A post shared by @laura_mckowen

Playlist

As promised, here’s a sampling of the music used throughout the retreat.

“You be the one.”

I ended the retreat by reading the closing passage from Push Off from Here, and that’s what I’ll leave you with today.

Dani Shapiro once told me a story about her beloved aunt Shirley. Shirley had instructed Dani at several points in her life, when she was faced with a situation where she might choose, even justifiably, to allow the status quo to carry forward—where resentment, dysfunction, or indifference would be easier, and easy to understand—to instead go first. To be the one to do it differently. To take the step into the unknown because—well, because, why not her? Who else, if not her? “You be the one,” she’d say. “You go and be the one.”

These words kept surfacing so often over the past year I finally wrote them down on a piece of paper that sits on my desk, and then I started saying them to myself out loud as I was chipping away at the book, at life, at this elusive “new normal” we were all seeking post-pandemic. I didn’t really even understand how it applied in many moments, but it wouldn’t leave me alone.

As I approached the end of writing this book and considered what I wanted to leave you with, it was clear. It was this.

You be the one.

You be the one to forgive, even when they don’t deserve it. You be the one to let go, even when it leaves them behind.

You be the one to write that permission slip—the one you’ve been waiting for all your life.

You be the one to cast the new mold, take the first step, shape the world as it needs to be.

You be the one who says yes when the answer has always been no.

You be the hope. You be the brave.

You be the house where the truth is told.

You be the one who says, Help, and you be the one to give it. You be the one who chooses you.

You be the one who chooses your life, the most incredible story ever, the story of being here

You be the one to push off from here.

Connect!

Okay! Use the comments below to find each other and share contact info (I’d stick to Instagram handles and email addresses here, not phone numbers, but your call).

Tell us your name, where you live, why you came to the retreat if you did, and the kinds of connections you're hoping to make.

Love,
Laura

You are reading Love Story, a weekly newsletter about relationships, recovery, and writing from Laura McKowen. I’m also on Instagram, and have written two books. I love engaging with you in the comments, which are open to paid subscribers, and you can subscribe here or give a gift subscription here.

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Announcements & Offerings

The Sober 90 begins NEXT WEEK, November 1

We created The Sober 90 in The Luckiest Club to provide a simple entry point for people who are new to sobriety. It's also perfect for not-so-new folks who need extra support and community. This session will take you through the difficult holiday season and the first stretch of 2024 and we’ve added evening calls this time! Learn more & join the waitlist.