'A never-needy, ever-lovely jewel.'

On detrimental self-reliance and the annoying truth that we can't do it alone. (An excerpt from 'Push Off from Here.')

FIRST: Push Off from Here drops in 15 days (shock emoji face). Pre-order it now, and save your receipt to get access to the launch party with my hilarious and wonderful friend, author, and host of Terrible, Thanks for Asking Nora McInerny.

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Yesyesyes, we have another newsletter inspired by Taylor Swift, friends. I told you, and I wasn’t joking. This line, A never needy, ever lovely jewel, is from the 10-minute version of “All Too Well.”¹² (I know, I know, this song. Too big. Too many feelings.)

In this part of the song, she’s ruminating about the version of herself that showed up in the relationship the song is written about: the “twin flame” one that left her like “a soldier who’s returning half her weight,” and she questions: “The idea you had of me, who was she? A never-needy, ever-lovely jewel, whose shine reflects on you.”

Woof. How hard, and in how many ways, did I work to be the never-needy, ever-lovely jewel to literally everyone? Too hard. So hard it nearly killed me, really. Realizing I couldn’t get sober on my own—that not only would I have to let people in, but that I’d have to let them see me trying—was, well, look: if there were any other way, I’d have found it.

In a podcast interview last week, the host asked me which of the nine things³ in Push Off from Here was hardest for me to accept. Easy: Number 6: You can’t do it alone. She then asked me how I finally chose to let people help me. I lol-ed and said it wasn’t a choice; it was the thing you do when there are no other choices. It was surrender.