That is a tricky situation having a drinking spouse. But, I assure you, he is watching and learning to see if it is possible. My husband joined me quite unexpectedly 8 months after I quit. I got a card from him this Christmas thanking me for leading the way. Definitely did not see that coming but so happy it did. Stay strong, for you, and maybe for him, eventually, too.
I did a dry January a couple of years ago and after crowing to myself “see? I’m FINE” proceeded to get obliterated in February and for the rest of the damn year. I was not fine. Thank you for this.
Thank you for articulating what so many of us are feeling and cannot find the words to express. 🩵
I haven’t had a drink in 2.5 years and I still struggle with the sobriety part. We learn in recovery circles that is how it works long term. I do not want to drink. At all. The hardest part has been the discovery and coping and learning and growing since that last drink. Finding the courage to face the hard choices I now know are right for me because I am no longer numbing away my feelings. The truth is, it took a lot more than a “break” to get me here. The many “breaks” I took along the way only prolonged the suffering.
Today is Day 233. These words still mean a whole lot to me. There are still days when I pause and think, “I don’t even want to drink anymore. I bet I could drink at the wedding of my best friend’s son.” WTF? Have I been hypnotized by alcohol? My life was a total shitshow when I was drinking. And my drinking also involved questionable uses of my money. Like never saying no to anything I wanted. This is all so hard to confess. But I’m just hanging on as hard as I can and not letting go of the things I have to hold on to. I’m not wasting these 233 days and the lessons I’ve learned. The only thing I haven’t questioned about the money I spend is this subscription. It’s what keeps me sober and solvent. Thank you, Laura. From the bottom of this alcoholic’s heart.
Hi Laura , I've only just begun this journey and your first book I powered through in a day and a half. Your words , among others, seem to resonante with me. I am on Day 10 of what is going to be life long walk for me and I am grateful to you .
Mary, there’s nothing like being new. And it lasts for a long time, which is both infuriating and great. I’m so happy for you. Hang in there; it’s worth every ounce of effort. Xo
I could never complete a dry january until I started going to a 12 step meeting and worked the steps. I would even go to meetings and continue drinking and I heard someone say in one of those meetings that the definition of insanity is going to 12 step meetings and not working the steps, and continuing to drink alcohol. I thought, well - that's me right there! ha! I was googling different things on women and alcohol when Laura's book, We Are the Luckiest, popped up. I ordered it because I had just experienced a particularly low moment in my life where I left my daughter and friends unattended on her 12th birthday in a hotel room where I proceeded to get blackout drunk in the hotel bar, and had to be carried up to my room by an employee and then call the parents in the morning and let them know. It was awful. Then I read the first chapter of Laura's book where she recalls a very similar experience in a hotel with her daughter. I cried like I had never cried before in my life. I continued to try to manage in the hell that was my life for three more years. I finally committed to sobriety and got sober when my daughter was 15. It was the hardest thing I had ever done! My life has gradually returned to a new normal, I have almost two years sober, my husband has stayed by my side through the hell I made of his life in spite of everything, and NONE of it would have been possible if I continued to drink alcohol like I was or continued to try to moderate my drinking. At the end of the day, alcohol is poison and destroys our brain, even in small doses. No amount is safe. I will forever be grateful to Laura for her honesty in sharing her story with the world! It saved my life.
Love this. My husband and I used to do "Dry January" and I always gave myself an excuse when I had to take my daughter to this enormous theater festival for a weekend because there was no way "the moms" could survive it without our wine and I didn't want to be left out. When I returned from Santa Fe in September after reading your book and hearing you on stage, I stopped drinking and have been sober ever since. When I told a friend that I wouldn't be having wine at a recent birthday dinner, she replied, "Oh right, you guys do this in January." I replied that I've been "doing this" for 3 and a half months now and never felt better.
Love this so much! I wish I had read this in 2013! It took me 7 more years to figure it out and embrace sobriety. I can honestly say that my sobriety is one of my greatest achievements! It brings me peace in a very loud world. Thank you for this beautiful, honest post❤️
Thank you for this beautiful piece. I am crying on my commuter train. This hits right where I was stuck for so many years. Questioning my own nagging questions. You and your community allowed me to finally look at “my thing” and see that although it’s (rightfully) a little scary, it only gets worse when kept in the dark. Thank you for this today- I’ll keep it with me everytime I see another “Easy Tips for a Dry January” article this month. ❤️
I have such similar feelings about Dry January. It certainly never worked for me. What worked was when my daughter Lindsay said, "Mom, if you don't do something about your drinking, you can't have the relationship you want with me, Jason and the kids." I will never forget her words. Ever. And at the very moment the price of my drinking became too high and I knew i was done. Relieved really. Because up to that point, my family was making excuses for my drinking. "Oh mom, you need to eat when you drink." "Your job as a social worker is so hard, no wonder you need to check out." At four and a half years alcohol free, I know what true living is. Thank you Laura. You and your brilliant writing and leadership have been part of my journey.
Thank you Laura! I needed this article so much! I have been struggling with all the talk of Dry January, not being able to articulate how it fundamentally triggers me. And like you, I am supportive of anyone taking a break for any reason, but the work I had to do and the process to truly becoming a sober person was not easy, and I find myself irritated by those that can “just ditch it” for a month. When you wrote: “But if you don’t address it, nothing will change, not really; you’ll wake up one year from now, and your life will still be your life, only worse, and drinking will still be your thing, only more so.” That is exactly the foundation in which I built my “why” for sobriety. And today I am almost 90 days sober, an accomplishment I thought was impossible. You and your book, WATL, and your Home podcast have been a life raft for me during this process. Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your life. And for addressing this issue for those that need more than a Dry January, for those that needed to save their their own life ❤️
Dry January fell in the bucket of all those other New Year self-improvement projects really there to mask my own self-loathing. I can remember years and years of big push willpower energy in January - like this is year I will get my sh**t together - I'll lose the weight, I'll meditate, I'll stop eating so much sugar, I'll journal and go to church and practice yoga 3x a week and take my vitamins and lift some weights and really crank it at work, and be a better mom, and, and, AND. When all the while, I knew even if I did manage to do any of those things, for 14, 30 or 45 days or whatever- it would never, ever be the real thing whispering in the background that I was too afraid to face. Thank you Laura, for speaking out all those years ago -for your blog I Fly at Night, and all the books and podcasts since . Although it has taken years or starting and stopping - I've got 3.5 years today.
January 9, 2024 = 1 year of sobriety for me and for my husband of 22 years. I too am here for anyone who needs support. I was a heavy drinker the last 10 years and I've just had one of the most soulful and best years of the last 10 years. It's so worth it. It's so worth the struggle to get sober. It's worth missing events and having relationships change. Trust me, the real relationships get better and those that don't were only based on alcohol. Every step is worth it. Know this, when Laura says, "This is your thing," only you know when this is your thing and it's worth facing it. I am so looking forward to 2024. Love you Laura - you were and are still a HUGE part of my sobriety journey.
I feel similarly. It's absolutely amazing to take a break, but it's even better to quit if you need to, or even if you don't. I took a month long break in my year of trying to moderate, only to end up with a week long hangover a few months later where I was so ill I couldn't sit up or eat, and later in Urgent care from stomach pains in the middle of the night from this previous stint of drinking. My numbers checked out and the nurses said it's just an upset stomach, chuckled and said how cool that you drink with your brother (wtf?).
Some of us need to quit- noone in my life thought I had a problem but me, probably because I hid what was happening from everyone who was close to me.
I love this life of the last two years where I'm not dizzy, shaking hanging onto a toilet seat afraid I'm going to pass out at least once a month. Then waking up and saying "I'll never do it again", and then jump right back in that same night. I show up more for myself, my cat, my friends, my husband. I've made so many amazing friendships and had incredible experiences in recovery and I would never go back.
WOW just WOW!
Yesterday was a long one with my hubby.
Married 42 yrs and 39 of those we drank our way over/under/around EVERYTHING.
Quite the argument over alcohol and change...my change.
I’ve been sober for the last three years and he now drinks moderately after my abstinence. (better than nothing🤷♀️)
However, occasionally he lets me know I’ve changed.
I’ve changed the fun and when will the girl he married comeback?
I pray she never does. My Sobriety has freed me from a multitude of chains. ⛓️
Maybe him next!
Thank you Laura for this honest read and once again I know why I love you & TLC❤️
That's a really tough dynamic, but good on you for staying course for yourself. And, even if he doesn't realize it yet, for your marriage. #8
That is a tricky situation having a drinking spouse. But, I assure you, he is watching and learning to see if it is possible. My husband joined me quite unexpectedly 8 months after I quit. I got a card from him this Christmas thanking me for leading the way. Definitely did not see that coming but so happy it did. Stay strong, for you, and maybe for him, eventually, too.
Yes yes yes
I did a dry January a couple of years ago and after crowing to myself “see? I’m FINE” proceeded to get obliterated in February and for the rest of the damn year. I was not fine. Thank you for this.
Thank you for articulating what so many of us are feeling and cannot find the words to express. 🩵
I haven’t had a drink in 2.5 years and I still struggle with the sobriety part. We learn in recovery circles that is how it works long term. I do not want to drink. At all. The hardest part has been the discovery and coping and learning and growing since that last drink. Finding the courage to face the hard choices I now know are right for me because I am no longer numbing away my feelings. The truth is, it took a lot more than a “break” to get me here. The many “breaks” I took along the way only prolonged the suffering.
Yes, the breaks prolong the suffering. Exactly!
Today is Day 233. These words still mean a whole lot to me. There are still days when I pause and think, “I don’t even want to drink anymore. I bet I could drink at the wedding of my best friend’s son.” WTF? Have I been hypnotized by alcohol? My life was a total shitshow when I was drinking. And my drinking also involved questionable uses of my money. Like never saying no to anything I wanted. This is all so hard to confess. But I’m just hanging on as hard as I can and not letting go of the things I have to hold on to. I’m not wasting these 233 days and the lessons I’ve learned. The only thing I haven’t questioned about the money I spend is this subscription. It’s what keeps me sober and solvent. Thank you, Laura. From the bottom of this alcoholic’s heart.
You’re such a power of example, Laura. Keep going.
Still sober though my heart feels as if it is broken.
Hi Laura , I've only just begun this journey and your first book I powered through in a day and a half. Your words , among others, seem to resonante with me. I am on Day 10 of what is going to be life long walk for me and I am grateful to you .
Mary, there’s nothing like being new. And it lasts for a long time, which is both infuriating and great. I’m so happy for you. Hang in there; it’s worth every ounce of effort. Xo
I could never complete a dry january until I started going to a 12 step meeting and worked the steps. I would even go to meetings and continue drinking and I heard someone say in one of those meetings that the definition of insanity is going to 12 step meetings and not working the steps, and continuing to drink alcohol. I thought, well - that's me right there! ha! I was googling different things on women and alcohol when Laura's book, We Are the Luckiest, popped up. I ordered it because I had just experienced a particularly low moment in my life where I left my daughter and friends unattended on her 12th birthday in a hotel room where I proceeded to get blackout drunk in the hotel bar, and had to be carried up to my room by an employee and then call the parents in the morning and let them know. It was awful. Then I read the first chapter of Laura's book where she recalls a very similar experience in a hotel with her daughter. I cried like I had never cried before in my life. I continued to try to manage in the hell that was my life for three more years. I finally committed to sobriety and got sober when my daughter was 15. It was the hardest thing I had ever done! My life has gradually returned to a new normal, I have almost two years sober, my husband has stayed by my side through the hell I made of his life in spite of everything, and NONE of it would have been possible if I continued to drink alcohol like I was or continued to try to moderate my drinking. At the end of the day, alcohol is poison and destroys our brain, even in small doses. No amount is safe. I will forever be grateful to Laura for her honesty in sharing her story with the world! It saved my life.
Love this. My husband and I used to do "Dry January" and I always gave myself an excuse when I had to take my daughter to this enormous theater festival for a weekend because there was no way "the moms" could survive it without our wine and I didn't want to be left out. When I returned from Santa Fe in September after reading your book and hearing you on stage, I stopped drinking and have been sober ever since. When I told a friend that I wouldn't be having wine at a recent birthday dinner, she replied, "Oh right, you guys do this in January." I replied that I've been "doing this" for 3 and a half months now and never felt better.
OMG!! Thank you for telling me that. GO YOU. How great did it feel to say that to your friend?! Awesome.
Love this so much! I wish I had read this in 2013! It took me 7 more years to figure it out and embrace sobriety. I can honestly say that my sobriety is one of my greatest achievements! It brings me peace in a very loud world. Thank you for this beautiful, honest post❤️
Thank you for this beautiful piece. I am crying on my commuter train. This hits right where I was stuck for so many years. Questioning my own nagging questions. You and your community allowed me to finally look at “my thing” and see that although it’s (rightfully) a little scary, it only gets worse when kept in the dark. Thank you for this today- I’ll keep it with me everytime I see another “Easy Tips for a Dry January” article this month. ❤️
Oh, the tears I've cried on the commuter train! Keep going, Megan. xo
I have such similar feelings about Dry January. It certainly never worked for me. What worked was when my daughter Lindsay said, "Mom, if you don't do something about your drinking, you can't have the relationship you want with me, Jason and the kids." I will never forget her words. Ever. And at the very moment the price of my drinking became too high and I knew i was done. Relieved really. Because up to that point, my family was making excuses for my drinking. "Oh mom, you need to eat when you drink." "Your job as a social worker is so hard, no wonder you need to check out." At four and a half years alcohol free, I know what true living is. Thank you Laura. You and your brilliant writing and leadership have been part of my journey.
Peggi xoxo
Thank you Laura! I needed this article so much! I have been struggling with all the talk of Dry January, not being able to articulate how it fundamentally triggers me. And like you, I am supportive of anyone taking a break for any reason, but the work I had to do and the process to truly becoming a sober person was not easy, and I find myself irritated by those that can “just ditch it” for a month. When you wrote: “But if you don’t address it, nothing will change, not really; you’ll wake up one year from now, and your life will still be your life, only worse, and drinking will still be your thing, only more so.” That is exactly the foundation in which I built my “why” for sobriety. And today I am almost 90 days sober, an accomplishment I thought was impossible. You and your book, WATL, and your Home podcast have been a life raft for me during this process. Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your life. And for addressing this issue for those that need more than a Dry January, for those that needed to save their their own life ❤️
Dry January fell in the bucket of all those other New Year self-improvement projects really there to mask my own self-loathing. I can remember years and years of big push willpower energy in January - like this is year I will get my sh**t together - I'll lose the weight, I'll meditate, I'll stop eating so much sugar, I'll journal and go to church and practice yoga 3x a week and take my vitamins and lift some weights and really crank it at work, and be a better mom, and, and, AND. When all the while, I knew even if I did manage to do any of those things, for 14, 30 or 45 days or whatever- it would never, ever be the real thing whispering in the background that I was too afraid to face. Thank you Laura, for speaking out all those years ago -for your blog I Fly at Night, and all the books and podcasts since . Although it has taken years or starting and stopping - I've got 3.5 years today.
I Fly at Night, oh my gosh! I forget about that. Happy 3.5 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
January 9, 2024 = 1 year of sobriety for me and for my husband of 22 years. I too am here for anyone who needs support. I was a heavy drinker the last 10 years and I've just had one of the most soulful and best years of the last 10 years. It's so worth it. It's so worth the struggle to get sober. It's worth missing events and having relationships change. Trust me, the real relationships get better and those that don't were only based on alcohol. Every step is worth it. Know this, when Laura says, "This is your thing," only you know when this is your thing and it's worth facing it. I am so looking forward to 2024. Love you Laura - you were and are still a HUGE part of my sobriety journey.
Congrats to you and your husband! What a life-changer.
I feel similarly. It's absolutely amazing to take a break, but it's even better to quit if you need to, or even if you don't. I took a month long break in my year of trying to moderate, only to end up with a week long hangover a few months later where I was so ill I couldn't sit up or eat, and later in Urgent care from stomach pains in the middle of the night from this previous stint of drinking. My numbers checked out and the nurses said it's just an upset stomach, chuckled and said how cool that you drink with your brother (wtf?).
Some of us need to quit- noone in my life thought I had a problem but me, probably because I hid what was happening from everyone who was close to me.
I love this life of the last two years where I'm not dizzy, shaking hanging onto a toilet seat afraid I'm going to pass out at least once a month. Then waking up and saying "I'll never do it again", and then jump right back in that same night. I show up more for myself, my cat, my friends, my husband. I've made so many amazing friendships and had incredible experiences in recovery and I would never go back.
Wtf indeed. Ugh the physical mess of it all was so god-awful.
This message hit every once of my being. You are talking directly to me. I can’t thank you enough. 🥰
❤️
Laura - You’re consistently a great writer, and this is some of the most stunning prose I have seen from you. #8
Thank you!! That means a lot.