I'm sitting here, (on a gorgeous morning in sunny California), with tears streaming down my face. (I know now never to read your stuff in a public place, Laura.)
My husband moved out 11 days ago. I'm on Day 2 of sobriety. My life is changing massively. I feel heartache, grief, fear, excitement, determination, courage...and hope. And sitting with hope is scary!
You wanted to do what Heather did. I have always wanted to do what you do. And I am almost 54. It seems so likely that I am too old to realize my dearest dreams, but maybe not. Kevin Kelly said, in a conversation on the Rich Roll Podcast, that we should aim to be improbable. I love that!
Anyway, I am rambling. You inspire me. I love everything you write. ❤
Oh, dear Stefanie, at the edge of everything! Our aims should be improbable. I love that too. It's all there for you, and it's strange to me that anyone would feel the same way about me as I feel about Heather. Goes to show you it's never quite how it looks from the outside. Sending love to you as you're on the threshold. I promise it's not too late for anything.
You are not too old Stefanie, don’t be tricked into thinking that. I finally was able to step across the threshold into recovery at 60 after 30 years of struggle. I wish I had been able to do it sooner but that was not my path. You will be amazed how your life opens up and what seemed improbable will become possible. 🙏
You are stepping towards your dreams by sharing here. You are not too old (cuz if you are, then at 59, I should throw in the towel.) my life is just getting started! Hold on to that hope. 🙏💕
Thank you for being so open hearted in sharing both grief and what was, at one point, envy. I know from TLC and your book that you are a big fan of Metta/Loving-kindness and wow, I had no idea how much my envy and negative comparison was getting in the way of my compassion until I started a regular Metta practice. I especially treated other women's success as a threat to me, as if we were in some zero sum game, and one of the things I really admire about you is how much you celebrate other women's voices and also are transparent and name it when it's been hard to feel sympathetic joy or compassion and how you work through that.
Oh Laura... what a beautiful update. I have only written in the “fun way” and I love that you allowed yourself to do that! I have so many feelings swirling after reading this and have no idea how to articulate it all... but want you to know that YOU have influenced me (and many others) in a similar way that Heather did for you. You ARE doing it. I feel inspired and grateful. Also ... the last set of comments were intense... I admire your courage as well as you knowing and honoring your own boundaries. 💜 It is YOUR space after all, in which we all choose to be here...
I can’t stop thinking and reading about Heather myself. I started reading her when Leta was two (my son was 6). She could be laugh out loud hilarious and also crack your heart open in one post. Incredibly entertaining and prolific. And you’re the first person I’ve seen to mention her music posts. I loved how she described music and her favorite bands, and I discovered so many songs because of her. Her photography was brilliant too. She was a true trailblazer who ended up being a little problematic. But isn’t that often the way it goes? George Weingarten wrote a piece about her in his book “One Day” that’s pretty wonderful. Everyone who met her in person always seemed to find her open, willing, and delightful. It’s just all so sad. Brian Wilson’s song “I Just Wasn’t Made for These Times” keeps playing in my head.
The photography. The photography! She would go to shows and take photos of the band and they would vibrate. Yes. And yes to that song. I hope she's feeling all these words now. I hope she has peace.
I thought of you immediately when I heard the news about Heather. Especially on the heels of your writing on motherhood. Her brilliance and wit and honesty made me feel both small and seen. As yours does. It’s sometimes the painful push I need. I read her religiously in those early days. Such a pioneer. What a reminder of how fragile it all can be, even with recovery.
Yes. Both small and seen. I also read her in my early twenties, when everything was so different, you know? Not just me, but the internet, no social media yet. It's fucking bizarre to think about.
I hear you on the love for San Diego. 😻 I think I mentioned during the first TLC Sober 90 that we try to get there once a year for a break from dreary Washington. Love every single thing about it! Such a cool, chill, fun, sunny vibe. I would also love a condo there someday! Fun fact: San Diego is also rated one of the top sober cities in the U.S. as it has a large and vibrant recovery community! I only recently discovered that. Bonus!
I loved reading Heather through the years. I felt so betrayed that she hid her alcoholism from everyone, as if everything had been a lie. Even though it wasn’t. It was hard to accept the truth of her. Of someone I admired and loved reading and invested time and attention in. Even as things were spiraling with her, I let myself believe she would be ok. It’s strange how I am so gutted and rocked by her death. It’s like I lost a true comrade in the fight.
Heather sounds like an amazing person. I’m saddened she had to hide her challenges with alcohol because of stigma and shame-both from others and herself.🙏💕
I’m late to the party on this one but wanted to say thank you! I love that you let yourself write this post without all the censoring to make sure it hit all the right elements of a “good post”. It felt so conversational and intimate.🙏
I can so identify with admiring and envying other writers/successful women. Interestingly, I just wrote a piece yesterday on a similar topic: how I believed doing extraordinary things (like you do) was reserved for the select and chosen few and I was not and never would be on that team. My turning point started with a mental breakdown in 2010 and my beliefs have slowly and steadily changed. Now I believe we are all extraordinarily ordinary, capable of doing so many great things.
Thank you for doing what you do Laura! You are extra-ordinarily ordinary and inspire.💕
I'm sorry for your loss. Know you are blazing that trail for me. Keep saying what's real. Keep sharing. It's inspiring me to try to do the same. But please say more about why you were upset when you found out that Heather Armstrong was sober.....thanks.
It was a very small, very grabby, scared and irrational part of me that thought, now she's going to "steal" this topic--and the way she was talking about it was flippant, or elusive, it honestly doesn't matter. It passed quickly and I was able to be glad for her, as I am for anyone who gets sober. I'm thinking a lot lately about why and how women tear down other women. I'm not immune to those instincts, much as I wish I was. I don't think any of us are. Just trying to be honest about the complicated feelings we have and how much we project on people we don't know, especially online. Heather got the worst of that, I think.
Emotions are complicated. Getting sober is also perplexing at times. Loved the ‘…small, very grabby, scared and irrational part of me’. I can relate way more than I would probably admit to. Thanks for clarifying that.
I'm sitting here, (on a gorgeous morning in sunny California), with tears streaming down my face. (I know now never to read your stuff in a public place, Laura.)
My husband moved out 11 days ago. I'm on Day 2 of sobriety. My life is changing massively. I feel heartache, grief, fear, excitement, determination, courage...and hope. And sitting with hope is scary!
You wanted to do what Heather did. I have always wanted to do what you do. And I am almost 54. It seems so likely that I am too old to realize my dearest dreams, but maybe not. Kevin Kelly said, in a conversation on the Rich Roll Podcast, that we should aim to be improbable. I love that!
Anyway, I am rambling. You inspire me. I love everything you write. ❤
Stefanie
Oh, dear Stefanie, at the edge of everything! Our aims should be improbable. I love that too. It's all there for you, and it's strange to me that anyone would feel the same way about me as I feel about Heather. Goes to show you it's never quite how it looks from the outside. Sending love to you as you're on the threshold. I promise it's not too late for anything.
You are not too old Stefanie, don’t be tricked into thinking that. I finally was able to step across the threshold into recovery at 60 after 30 years of struggle. I wish I had been able to do it sooner but that was not my path. You will be amazed how your life opens up and what seemed improbable will become possible. 🙏
Thank you for the encouragement, Kate!
And I am 5 months sober today at 64 years old.
Huge congrats on 5 months! You ladies really do inspire me!
You are stepping towards your dreams by sharing here. You are not too old (cuz if you are, then at 59, I should throw in the towel.) my life is just getting started! Hold on to that hope. 🙏💕
Thank you for being so open hearted in sharing both grief and what was, at one point, envy. I know from TLC and your book that you are a big fan of Metta/Loving-kindness and wow, I had no idea how much my envy and negative comparison was getting in the way of my compassion until I started a regular Metta practice. I especially treated other women's success as a threat to me, as if we were in some zero sum game, and one of the things I really admire about you is how much you celebrate other women's voices and also are transparent and name it when it's been hard to feel sympathetic joy or compassion and how you work through that.
Thank you for reminding me of this practice!
Oh Laura... what a beautiful update. I have only written in the “fun way” and I love that you allowed yourself to do that! I have so many feelings swirling after reading this and have no idea how to articulate it all... but want you to know that YOU have influenced me (and many others) in a similar way that Heather did for you. You ARE doing it. I feel inspired and grateful. Also ... the last set of comments were intense... I admire your courage as well as you knowing and honoring your own boundaries. 💜 It is YOUR space after all, in which we all choose to be here...
Intense is right 🫠. All good. Onward. And thank you!
I can’t stop thinking and reading about Heather myself. I started reading her when Leta was two (my son was 6). She could be laugh out loud hilarious and also crack your heart open in one post. Incredibly entertaining and prolific. And you’re the first person I’ve seen to mention her music posts. I loved how she described music and her favorite bands, and I discovered so many songs because of her. Her photography was brilliant too. She was a true trailblazer who ended up being a little problematic. But isn’t that often the way it goes? George Weingarten wrote a piece about her in his book “One Day” that’s pretty wonderful. Everyone who met her in person always seemed to find her open, willing, and delightful. It’s just all so sad. Brian Wilson’s song “I Just Wasn’t Made for These Times” keeps playing in my head.
The photography. The photography! She would go to shows and take photos of the band and they would vibrate. Yes. And yes to that song. I hope she's feeling all these words now. I hope she has peace.
I thought of you immediately when I heard the news about Heather. Especially on the heels of your writing on motherhood. Her brilliance and wit and honesty made me feel both small and seen. As yours does. It’s sometimes the painful push I need. I read her religiously in those early days. Such a pioneer. What a reminder of how fragile it all can be, even with recovery.
Yes. Both small and seen. I also read her in my early twenties, when everything was so different, you know? Not just me, but the internet, no social media yet. It's fucking bizarre to think about.
Loved this free from the heart free flow. Also cannot stop thinking about Heather. xx
I hear you on the love for San Diego. 😻 I think I mentioned during the first TLC Sober 90 that we try to get there once a year for a break from dreary Washington. Love every single thing about it! Such a cool, chill, fun, sunny vibe. I would also love a condo there someday! Fun fact: San Diego is also rated one of the top sober cities in the U.S. as it has a large and vibrant recovery community! I only recently discovered that. Bonus!
I loved reading Heather through the years. I felt so betrayed that she hid her alcoholism from everyone, as if everything had been a lie. Even though it wasn’t. It was hard to accept the truth of her. Of someone I admired and loved reading and invested time and attention in. Even as things were spiraling with her, I let myself believe she would be ok. It’s strange how I am so gutted and rocked by her death. It’s like I lost a true comrade in the fight.
Heather sounds like an amazing person. I’m saddened she had to hide her challenges with alcohol because of stigma and shame-both from others and herself.🙏💕
The truth tellers.
The OG’s.
Us.
No one is exempt. #RIPHeatherArmstrong
Love you. 🫶
Love your words. ✍️
The berries. 🍓
I’m late to the party on this one but wanted to say thank you! I love that you let yourself write this post without all the censoring to make sure it hit all the right elements of a “good post”. It felt so conversational and intimate.🙏
I can so identify with admiring and envying other writers/successful women. Interestingly, I just wrote a piece yesterday on a similar topic: how I believed doing extraordinary things (like you do) was reserved for the select and chosen few and I was not and never would be on that team. My turning point started with a mental breakdown in 2010 and my beliefs have slowly and steadily changed. Now I believe we are all extraordinarily ordinary, capable of doing so many great things.
Thank you for doing what you do Laura! You are extra-ordinarily ordinary and inspire.💕
I'm sorry for your loss. Know you are blazing that trail for me. Keep saying what's real. Keep sharing. It's inspiring me to try to do the same. But please say more about why you were upset when you found out that Heather Armstrong was sober.....thanks.
It was a very small, very grabby, scared and irrational part of me that thought, now she's going to "steal" this topic--and the way she was talking about it was flippant, or elusive, it honestly doesn't matter. It passed quickly and I was able to be glad for her, as I am for anyone who gets sober. I'm thinking a lot lately about why and how women tear down other women. I'm not immune to those instincts, much as I wish I was. I don't think any of us are. Just trying to be honest about the complicated feelings we have and how much we project on people we don't know, especially online. Heather got the worst of that, I think.
Emotions are complicated. Getting sober is also perplexing at times. Loved the ‘…small, very grabby, scared and irrational part of me’. I can relate way more than I would probably admit to. Thanks for clarifying that.
So get this!