The Life That Wants to Live in You

And why we turn away from it, Part 1.

I recently wrote about how chaos itself can be an addiction and how, consciously or subconsciously, we sometimes stay in it because it keeps us distracted from having to feel big feelings and ask big questions. Questions like: Who am I, really? Is the life I’m living mine or someone else’s? Is this good enough? Am I using my gifts or squandering them?

Today, I want to talk about another side of that conversation. About why sometimes—despite how painful and soul-killing it can be to stay stuck and in chaos—we still choose it over going after what we really want. “Going after what we want” is annoyingly vague and could mean anything, but I’m talking about the defining, foundational aspects of life: the people we choose to spend our life with, the places we inhabit, the work we invest in, the things we create, and the Gods¹ we worship. You know, the parts that actually matter in the end.

Author and activist Parker Palmer has a different way of looking at the question of living truthfully and authentically (I loathe this word for its overuse, but alas) that feels right to me; it’s what I teach and believe as well: the central question is not, “Am I living the life I want?,” but, as Parker says, “Is the life I am living the same as the life that wants to live in me?”²