I’m scratching my head for the exact tipping point. It was some combination of finally realizing how short and agitated I’d get with my daughters when I drank, realizing comparing myself to other drinkers (e.g. “I’m not that bad) wasn’t winning me competitions, I was still hungover more often than not, and that I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a meaningful break from drinking if given the option. Alcohol started as a connecting point (so I thought) and it ended up being profoundly disconnecting: from others for sure, but saddest of all from myself. Also, the Huberman Lab episode on alcohol disavowed me of any supposed worthiness I was clinging to of consuming booze. I knew I needed a change, listened to that episode, talked to my wife, and here we are.
I thought if I just read enough, meditated enough, self cared enough and had enough therapy I’d wake up without a desire to drink. It didn’t happen for me. For me it was actually making the decision, not waiting to feel like it. Fortunately all the work I’d done and continued to do formed a really good foundation. This and always community!
I read WATL and your question: Are you free? That question would not leave my head for years as I tried to navigate moderation. I joined TLC and accepted my thing and honestly could not be more grateful. That question was my tipping point.
Like you, I had so many. The time I drunkenly poured Pernod into a hot pan and could see the tall flame reflected back in my kids' wild frightened eyes. That not being the first, last or worst time I put my kids in dangerous situations. Having a friend die in isolation from alcoholism. And finally in the summer of 2014, shooting straight up out of bed at 2:30am with my heart beating in my throat, like I'd done umpteen times but this time hearing a voice, You have to stop. And this time, allowing for some resolve. xo
Laura.... YOU are a voice. :) (Finished+ looooved The Book of Longings.) I’ve read most of your stuff but haven’t seen this essay. Beautifully written. 💕
My tipping point was when my best friend and drinking buddy put herself in rehab. That was a mirror I couldn’t turn away from. I could have lied to myself and said my drinking wasn’t that bad, but I am so glad I didn’t because it is SO MUCH BETTER on the other side.
This post. 💖 I want to share far and wide. My tipping point--years and years in the making--came in the form of a hospital gown + pancreatitis. A collision of pain, shame and loneliness I wasn’t sure I could survive. My own body intervened, exactly as needed to happen. I had no place left to run or hide. Most extraordinary moment of coming home to me. I cry every time I think of it. ✨
Ps: I love that I know who Earl H is and have also listened to him repeatedly ;)
My tipping point followed along your path until...I fell down and my son had to see my chin and lips swollen,bloody...and bless his little heart...wanted to know if it hurt... when I looked in the mirror, I knew. It was it.
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired... I was sick of being me. The eyes looking back in the mirror were flat and dead -- no life, no sparkle. My last drunk resulted in another "yet" -- police, guns, ambulance, scary blood/alcohol level in the ER (but no mention of detox, which I now know I needed and recommend to others). The shame/blame left me, and I wanted a solution. My shrink recommend out patient, out patient recommended AA.... and on 2/2 (Groundhog Day irony not lost), I'll have 12 years, one day at a time. I still attend meetings regularly (because I hear when people come back, when they make it back, that they stopped), have a sponsor who has a sponsor and have 4 sponsees (female and male) and a sober network.
Thank you so much for sharing this here. My tipping point was when I woke up in the morning next to my six-year-old twins with my clothes still on from the day before and no recollection of how we'd got home from the previous night's party. I haven't had a drink since. That was nearly 650 days ago and the desire to remember every moment with my boys is my motivation to leave the bottle on the shelf. I only started reading sobriety memoirs after I stopped drinking, but every one of them has come to me in the exact moment that I needed it, in just the right order, with We Are The Luckiest being an important part of the mix. Thank you for your beautiful, life-sustaining words. What a joy it must be to know that you're helping so many live their best, most tuned-in and memorable lives.
I love this Laura! My many tipping points acted like termites felling a redwood - small(ish) but mighty; Like when I started drinking competitively with my husband, hiding an emergency bottle at the back of the fridge… When I poured two glasses of wine and left one in the living room while my second secret glass was waiting for me in the kitchen… When every morning I’d say “I’m not gonna drink today” and every evening I’d reach for the opener at 5… When I’d put two empty wine bottles in the recycling bin on Monday and then haul 10 more to the dump later in the day… When I’d attend parent/teacher conferences at 7pm and stare at my watch, itching to leave at 8… When I realized *I* might be the reason my relationships were tanking - w my husband, my kids, my friends… When I knew that I was drinking against my own will because I’d lost my choice.
Crap. The original link I posted to Elena Brower's spoke word was wrong. Correct one now up but also here: https://elenabrower.com/the-ritual-of-recovery-audio-my-first-spoken-word-piece/
I’m scratching my head for the exact tipping point. It was some combination of finally realizing how short and agitated I’d get with my daughters when I drank, realizing comparing myself to other drinkers (e.g. “I’m not that bad) wasn’t winning me competitions, I was still hungover more often than not, and that I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a meaningful break from drinking if given the option. Alcohol started as a connecting point (so I thought) and it ended up being profoundly disconnecting: from others for sure, but saddest of all from myself. Also, the Huberman Lab episode on alcohol disavowed me of any supposed worthiness I was clinging to of consuming booze. I knew I needed a change, listened to that episode, talked to my wife, and here we are.
I thought if I just read enough, meditated enough, self cared enough and had enough therapy I’d wake up without a desire to drink. It didn’t happen for me. For me it was actually making the decision, not waiting to feel like it. Fortunately all the work I’d done and continued to do formed a really good foundation. This and always community!
I read WATL and your question: Are you free? That question would not leave my head for years as I tried to navigate moderation. I joined TLC and accepted my thing and honestly could not be more grateful. That question was my tipping point.
Great article! My tipping point came when I realized that I would probably wind up killing myself if I didn’t stop.
This is lovely.
"It's a daily grace." Amen and amen.
Like you, I had so many. The time I drunkenly poured Pernod into a hot pan and could see the tall flame reflected back in my kids' wild frightened eyes. That not being the first, last or worst time I put my kids in dangerous situations. Having a friend die in isolation from alcoholism. And finally in the summer of 2014, shooting straight up out of bed at 2:30am with my heart beating in my throat, like I'd done umpteen times but this time hearing a voice, You have to stop. And this time, allowing for some resolve. xo
Laura.... YOU are a voice. :) (Finished+ looooved The Book of Longings.) I’ve read most of your stuff but haven’t seen this essay. Beautifully written. 💕
My tipping point was when my best friend and drinking buddy put herself in rehab. That was a mirror I couldn’t turn away from. I could have lied to myself and said my drinking wasn’t that bad, but I am so glad I didn’t because it is SO MUCH BETTER on the other side.
This post. 💖 I want to share far and wide. My tipping point--years and years in the making--came in the form of a hospital gown + pancreatitis. A collision of pain, shame and loneliness I wasn’t sure I could survive. My own body intervened, exactly as needed to happen. I had no place left to run or hide. Most extraordinary moment of coming home to me. I cry every time I think of it. ✨
Ps: I love that I know who Earl H is and have also listened to him repeatedly ;)
Well written and as always...right on point.
My tipping point followed along your path until...I fell down and my son had to see my chin and lips swollen,bloody...and bless his little heart...wanted to know if it hurt... when I looked in the mirror, I knew. It was it.
this hits hard. and so beautiful. xo
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired... I was sick of being me. The eyes looking back in the mirror were flat and dead -- no life, no sparkle. My last drunk resulted in another "yet" -- police, guns, ambulance, scary blood/alcohol level in the ER (but no mention of detox, which I now know I needed and recommend to others). The shame/blame left me, and I wanted a solution. My shrink recommend out patient, out patient recommended AA.... and on 2/2 (Groundhog Day irony not lost), I'll have 12 years, one day at a time. I still attend meetings regularly (because I hear when people come back, when they make it back, that they stopped), have a sponsor who has a sponsor and have 4 sponsees (female and male) and a sober network.
Thank you so much for sharing this here. My tipping point was when I woke up in the morning next to my six-year-old twins with my clothes still on from the day before and no recollection of how we'd got home from the previous night's party. I haven't had a drink since. That was nearly 650 days ago and the desire to remember every moment with my boys is my motivation to leave the bottle on the shelf. I only started reading sobriety memoirs after I stopped drinking, but every one of them has come to me in the exact moment that I needed it, in just the right order, with We Are The Luckiest being an important part of the mix. Thank you for your beautiful, life-sustaining words. What a joy it must be to know that you're helping so many live their best, most tuned-in and memorable lives.
I love this Laura! My many tipping points acted like termites felling a redwood - small(ish) but mighty; Like when I started drinking competitively with my husband, hiding an emergency bottle at the back of the fridge… When I poured two glasses of wine and left one in the living room while my second secret glass was waiting for me in the kitchen… When every morning I’d say “I’m not gonna drink today” and every evening I’d reach for the opener at 5… When I’d put two empty wine bottles in the recycling bin on Monday and then haul 10 more to the dump later in the day… When I’d attend parent/teacher conferences at 7pm and stare at my watch, itching to leave at 8… When I realized *I* might be the reason my relationships were tanking - w my husband, my kids, my friends… When I knew that I was drinking against my own will because I’d lost my choice.