A powerful and important reminder Laura, thank you. When I started going to AA meetings my head would frequently tell me that I wasn’t that bad, that I should stop when it was worse, that this wasn’t my place. At the same time, there was a guy called Marc Z trying to get back after a relapse. He’d previously been sober for 18 years, his kids had never seen him drunk. They thought he was dying. I watched people trying to help him, watched him turning up to meetings drunk. In the following ten years he maybe got a year here or there, lied about his sobriety. Died about five years ago. His kids no longer in contact with him. His wife had thrown him out. He lived in a bedsit paid for by his brother. He saved my life. He knew that, I’d told him several times. We shared the same birthday. I will never forget him. I watched him and knew that this might be my only time. Waiting wasn’t an option I wanted or a risk that I wanted to take. Thank God for the paths that others have taken so that we don’t have to.
I was sober for 12 years, then lied to myself and told myself that my previous drinking had been a phase. I descended into hell for the next 15 years and almost didn't make it out. I've been in Sobriety 2.0 for eight years. Neither my body nor my sanity can afford to "go out" again.
I need these exact words today, Laura, thank you. I have been chasing sobriety for over a decade. Time is passing, every day I ask, will it be today or should I choose some meaningful date in the future? Pushing the line out farther and farther, every day. And every day dying inside just a little bit more, disappointing myself, knowing I am wasting time and not knowing how to "begin", even though I have began hundreds of times, but it never stuck. 5 years ago, TLC helped me reach almost 5 months of sobriety. And here I am, still fighting for it back.
Jennifer, I'm in the same place you are. For example, I don't want to start tomorrow because I don't want a sobriety date of the 13th. Therefore, I might as well drink until Saturday. Totally screwed up, permission giving thinking.
It's not screwed up, it's addiction. I mean, yes, it's screwed up, but YOU are not screwed up. The point of this is, though, you won't necessarily get to choose. There is no "good" day. Are you part of a community, Shawna?
No, I'm not. That allows me to float just under the radar. I've gone to AA in the past but thought I had outgrown it. I've never been to an online meeting.
Try TLC (my community). It’s pretty wonderful. We have 50+ meetings a week. There are many others too. In my experience, there’s absolutely no way to do it alone. Even if you can, it’s miserable, and misery isn’t gonna keep you sober xo.
Are these zoom meetings? I’m going to do what you suggested. Just writing here today and having you answer has felt so refreshing. I’m not sure when I decided to go it alone, but it is not working.
Yes, they're on zoom! You can keep your camera off to start and just listen, but I recommend you introduce yourself in chat and count yourself in right away. We also have a really good app where you can connect with people and get support. Whereabouts are you located?
Shawna, I totally get it, I think the exact same way. I try to remind myself that it doesn't matter, that in the end, am I really going to wish I had a different sobriety date or that I waited to start? TLC is fantastic. What I am learning though, is that just listening is not enough. Speaking up and making connections is literally what everyone says you need to do but it is SO hard and scary. I hope you see you there.
Jennifer, I'm putting a few things in place, including joining TLC. Tomorrow, of course. But I'm also going away for the weekend to distance myself from my regular routine and concentrate ONLY on this. I'm taking Laura's book with me. ; )
I love that plan, Shawna. I feel like Laura's words today were my nudge (maybe a shove!) from the universe that I very much needed. I have children, a granddaughter (and a grandson on the way!) who need me to be around and be the best version of me.
I have children and a granddaughter with a grandson on the way as well! Plus two more in Texas. I will be needed in August and the fall to help with the new baby boy. This has most definitely been a wake up call for me.
Such a powerful reminder that sometimes grace looks like luck, and the window doesn't stay open forever. Thankful for your encouragement to move when the moment calls, even if we're scared.
The window doesn’t stay open forever… I love that. I read a quote from Rumi that someone shared , “the breeze at Dawn has secrets to tell you… don’t go back to sleep” it struck me deeply. I can feel the window being open and the breeze . 💗
Someone just asked me this today - "What made you finally stop?" I never know exactly how to answer because for me, it wasn't one big moment but instead lots of little inner deaths over and over again. Broken promises to myself and others, countless regrets, endless hangovers, my parents' addictions, not knowing who I was at all, being half the mother I knew I could be. Mostly just being sick of my own shit. When I knew, I just knew. After several tries and fails, for me, I arrived at a different feeling of complete doneness.
Really hard to explain but you always can. Your words always speak my innermost thoughts out loud. Thank you.
After reading QuitLit for years, a rereading of We Are the Luckiest along with Push Off From Here finally did it for me. The stars aligned and I received the inspiration I needed. 8 months alcohol-free. Thank you.
Thanks for this truth Laura. It was your share a few weeks ago when you said something along the lines of “you don’t get unlimited tries at this” that hit me to my core. It has sat with me deeply every day since as I am still prying my way out of this by the day. The time is now. (Well long before now, but I’ll focus on what I can change going forward) :)
Thanks for this today, the quote resonates with me on many levels as I just recovered from second cancer surgery and also in my third af summer, many reasons there is not time and many reasons to say screw it too. Will carry that quote in my pocket today.
I'm exactly who you wrote this for, along with so many other people. You always feel like the only one who's failing.
After 6 years of sobriety, I had a drink in London because I'd never been there. Some months later, I had another drink somewhere, no excuse necessary. That was two years ago, and I've been drinking on and off since. I can always stop tomorrow, but of course tomorrow never comes. It's always today, and today I allow myself a drink.
My reading from A Course in Miracles today including this line:"Yet you must learn the cost of sleeping, and refuse to pay it." I have done that before and assumed I could just continue. Ironically, I had a blog that helped so many people who reached out to me, as the blogging world had helped me. My blog is still out there, with only the occasional update. It's like that person who I was is waiting for me to listen to her, about love and self worth and a new life. And the cost of the old life, but now I have to call it the current life. In other people's responses, I see that cancer was a huge wake-up call. I had friggin open heart surgery in the last year. I knew that that was the best last chance I could ask for. I'd been ignoring my heart all these years. It needs me to listen. It needs me to wake up.
I never cried over my surgery but I'm crying now. It's so nice for your words to penetrate the haze that I have surrounded myself in. Thank you, Laura.
It was two years ago exactly that I heard your name for the first time, at the first meeting of any kind I attended.
For months I did not know what made me do that that day. For months I couldn’t explain why June 12 was my first last Day 1. But your headline here is pretty close to the truth for me.
I went to sleep the night before and woke up that morning with a strong feeling that I couldn’t tolerate my own bullshit anymore and a sense of urgency about it, fueled by contempt for my own behavior and decisions. That day — finally — I didn’t think I had more time to debate myself.
That night I started reading We Are The Luckiest. By the end of the week I joined TLC. Shortly thereafter I signed up for S90. That was two years ago today and today everything in my life is better than it was then.
Thank you, Laura. This is such a beautiful slice of honesty.
One of the things that keeps me in the rooms of recovery is the knowledge that if I go back out, I might not get another chance to return.
I had a shot at sobriety many years ago and I gave it up, went back to drinking. It was an agonizing, brutal slog of 13 years to get back to recovery. This time it took a terminal cancer diagnosis for my sister to jolt me to life - and make me realize that if I didn’t quit drinking, I was going to die from this thing. I didn’t want to die from this thing. I still don’t wanna die from this thing.
It’s so true. One way or another, we all think we have time. We all think we can outrun something. The truth is, we don’t know what the future holds. All we know is that today is here, with us. And it is powerful to think that we get to choose what we do - with this one beautiful gift of a day.
I'm very grateful for the window I had in 2010. My husband and I were fighting, not about my drinking. But in a moment of clarity, I opened my mouth and told him about my drinking. I can remember immediately wishing I hadn't. I wanted to grab the words out of the air and shove them back in my mouth. Because I knew being honest about my drinking meant I'd have to stop drinking. That window was not me. I had nothing to do with that. I've been sober now for 14 years.
I feel this in my bones! This hit me hard today, as I am debating whether to “just wait until July 1st”. To make the choice and commitment to quit for good on my own terms is absolutely a privilege, in my mind. One that may not be there forever.
Oh, Laura! Thank you for this one. So many deep truths.
I'm 2 years sober (I believe in the luck and the universe and the pieces lining up), but I've watched windows open and close on my dreams and desires for my future. Your writing is such a good reminder.
I also recognize that "having all the time in world" is as dangerous of an excuse as "not having enough time." I sometimes tell myself I'll never be able to get physically fit or plant a garden or go on that expensive trip because there's not enough time for me, but that's a lie and it all starts with the first step.
A powerful and important reminder Laura, thank you. When I started going to AA meetings my head would frequently tell me that I wasn’t that bad, that I should stop when it was worse, that this wasn’t my place. At the same time, there was a guy called Marc Z trying to get back after a relapse. He’d previously been sober for 18 years, his kids had never seen him drunk. They thought he was dying. I watched people trying to help him, watched him turning up to meetings drunk. In the following ten years he maybe got a year here or there, lied about his sobriety. Died about five years ago. His kids no longer in contact with him. His wife had thrown him out. He lived in a bedsit paid for by his brother. He saved my life. He knew that, I’d told him several times. We shared the same birthday. I will never forget him. I watched him and knew that this might be my only time. Waiting wasn’t an option I wanted or a risk that I wanted to take. Thank God for the paths that others have taken so that we don’t have to.
#wearetheluckiest 💕
Ugh, Louise. How heartbreaking. I'm so glad we're doing this together. Thank you.
I was sober for 12 years, then lied to myself and told myself that my previous drinking had been a phase. I descended into hell for the next 15 years and almost didn't make it out. I've been in Sobriety 2.0 for eight years. Neither my body nor my sanity can afford to "go out" again.
How heartbreaking a story...and how beautiful...the both and...I am so grateful Marc saved your life, Louise.
Thank you. I feel this truth in my bones. 6 years sober. Many starts and stops before this. I had 3 young children and knew I was failing them.
This time stuck and I, like you never knew the answer to why? Why this time?
Luck. Just dang luck.
My oldest leaves for college in August. I am here. I am present. I am forever thankful.
I need these exact words today, Laura, thank you. I have been chasing sobriety for over a decade. Time is passing, every day I ask, will it be today or should I choose some meaningful date in the future? Pushing the line out farther and farther, every day. And every day dying inside just a little bit more, disappointing myself, knowing I am wasting time and not knowing how to "begin", even though I have began hundreds of times, but it never stuck. 5 years ago, TLC helped me reach almost 5 months of sobriety. And here I am, still fighting for it back.
Your words are gold.
Come back to TLC if you want, we are here. Today can be the meaningful day. <3
You are worth the fight 💜
Jennifer, I'm in the same place you are. For example, I don't want to start tomorrow because I don't want a sobriety date of the 13th. Therefore, I might as well drink until Saturday. Totally screwed up, permission giving thinking.
Best of luck.
Shawna
It's not screwed up, it's addiction. I mean, yes, it's screwed up, but YOU are not screwed up. The point of this is, though, you won't necessarily get to choose. There is no "good" day. Are you part of a community, Shawna?
No, I'm not. That allows me to float just under the radar. I've gone to AA in the past but thought I had outgrown it. I've never been to an online meeting.
Try TLC (my community). It’s pretty wonderful. We have 50+ meetings a week. There are many others too. In my experience, there’s absolutely no way to do it alone. Even if you can, it’s miserable, and misery isn’t gonna keep you sober xo.
www.theluckiestclub.com
We also have a program called The Sober 90 starting July 1. It’ll be a bunch of people who are just starting out.
If you cannot afford a membership for whatever reason, just email support@theluckiestclub.com and we’ll give you a scholarship, no questions asked.
If you want recommendations for other communities, I’m happy to provide them.
Are these zoom meetings? I’m going to do what you suggested. Just writing here today and having you answer has felt so refreshing. I’m not sure when I decided to go it alone, but it is not working.
Thank you, Laura. I’m going to join up. ; )
Yes, they're on zoom! You can keep your camera off to start and just listen, but I recommend you introduce yourself in chat and count yourself in right away. We also have a really good app where you can connect with people and get support. Whereabouts are you located?
Shawna, I totally get it, I think the exact same way. I try to remind myself that it doesn't matter, that in the end, am I really going to wish I had a different sobriety date or that I waited to start? TLC is fantastic. What I am learning though, is that just listening is not enough. Speaking up and making connections is literally what everyone says you need to do but it is SO hard and scary. I hope you see you there.
This whole exchange is making me so happy.
Whichever day you stop drinking *becomes* an important date! 💜
Jennifer, I'm putting a few things in place, including joining TLC. Tomorrow, of course. But I'm also going away for the weekend to distance myself from my regular routine and concentrate ONLY on this. I'm taking Laura's book with me. ; )
I love that plan, Shawna. I feel like Laura's words today were my nudge (maybe a shove!) from the universe that I very much needed. I have children, a granddaughter (and a grandson on the way!) who need me to be around and be the best version of me.
I have children and a granddaughter with a grandson on the way as well! Plus two more in Texas. I will be needed in August and the fall to help with the new baby boy. This has most definitely been a wake up call for me.
Shawna - look into TLC. The women's meetings are AMAZING! You will find a Community and Connection!
Such a powerful reminder that sometimes grace looks like luck, and the window doesn't stay open forever. Thankful for your encouragement to move when the moment calls, even if we're scared.
The window doesn’t stay open forever… I love that. I read a quote from Rumi that someone shared , “the breeze at Dawn has secrets to tell you… don’t go back to sleep” it struck me deeply. I can feel the window being open and the breeze . 💗
Omg, yes, this. Exactly what I expressed above. Thank you!
Someone just asked me this today - "What made you finally stop?" I never know exactly how to answer because for me, it wasn't one big moment but instead lots of little inner deaths over and over again. Broken promises to myself and others, countless regrets, endless hangovers, my parents' addictions, not knowing who I was at all, being half the mother I knew I could be. Mostly just being sick of my own shit. When I knew, I just knew. After several tries and fails, for me, I arrived at a different feeling of complete doneness.
Really hard to explain but you always can. Your words always speak my innermost thoughts out loud. Thank you.
After reading QuitLit for years, a rereading of We Are the Luckiest along with Push Off From Here finally did it for me. The stars aligned and I received the inspiration I needed. 8 months alcohol-free. Thank you.
OMG Shane! That is amazing. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for this truth Laura. It was your share a few weeks ago when you said something along the lines of “you don’t get unlimited tries at this” that hit me to my core. It has sat with me deeply every day since as I am still prying my way out of this by the day. The time is now. (Well long before now, but I’ll focus on what I can change going forward) :)
The time is definitely now. Keep going.
Thanks for this today, the quote resonates with me on many levels as I just recovered from second cancer surgery and also in my third af summer, many reasons there is not time and many reasons to say screw it too. Will carry that quote in my pocket today.
Rita ❤️
Thank you Laura.
Rita- “many reasons there is not time and many reasons to say screw it too. “ YES. Severe acute illness while sober is something else. Hugs to you ❤️
I'm exactly who you wrote this for, along with so many other people. You always feel like the only one who's failing.
After 6 years of sobriety, I had a drink in London because I'd never been there. Some months later, I had another drink somewhere, no excuse necessary. That was two years ago, and I've been drinking on and off since. I can always stop tomorrow, but of course tomorrow never comes. It's always today, and today I allow myself a drink.
My reading from A Course in Miracles today including this line:"Yet you must learn the cost of sleeping, and refuse to pay it." I have done that before and assumed I could just continue. Ironically, I had a blog that helped so many people who reached out to me, as the blogging world had helped me. My blog is still out there, with only the occasional update. It's like that person who I was is waiting for me to listen to her, about love and self worth and a new life. And the cost of the old life, but now I have to call it the current life. In other people's responses, I see that cancer was a huge wake-up call. I had friggin open heart surgery in the last year. I knew that that was the best last chance I could ask for. I'd been ignoring my heart all these years. It needs me to listen. It needs me to wake up.
I never cried over my surgery but I'm crying now. It's so nice for your words to penetrate the haze that I have surrounded myself in. Thank you, Laura.
Shawna
It is funny to read this today.
It was two years ago exactly that I heard your name for the first time, at the first meeting of any kind I attended.
For months I did not know what made me do that that day. For months I couldn’t explain why June 12 was my first last Day 1. But your headline here is pretty close to the truth for me.
I went to sleep the night before and woke up that morning with a strong feeling that I couldn’t tolerate my own bullshit anymore and a sense of urgency about it, fueled by contempt for my own behavior and decisions. That day — finally — I didn’t think I had more time to debate myself.
That night I started reading We Are The Luckiest. By the end of the week I joined TLC. Shortly thereafter I signed up for S90. That was two years ago today and today everything in my life is better than it was then.
I cannot thank you enough.
Thank you, Laura. This is such a beautiful slice of honesty.
One of the things that keeps me in the rooms of recovery is the knowledge that if I go back out, I might not get another chance to return.
I had a shot at sobriety many years ago and I gave it up, went back to drinking. It was an agonizing, brutal slog of 13 years to get back to recovery. This time it took a terminal cancer diagnosis for my sister to jolt me to life - and make me realize that if I didn’t quit drinking, I was going to die from this thing. I didn’t want to die from this thing. I still don’t wanna die from this thing.
It’s so true. One way or another, we all think we have time. We all think we can outrun something. The truth is, we don’t know what the future holds. All we know is that today is here, with us. And it is powerful to think that we get to choose what we do - with this one beautiful gift of a day.
Woof. 13 years. Thank you for sharing.
I'm very grateful for the window I had in 2010. My husband and I were fighting, not about my drinking. But in a moment of clarity, I opened my mouth and told him about my drinking. I can remember immediately wishing I hadn't. I wanted to grab the words out of the air and shove them back in my mouth. Because I knew being honest about my drinking meant I'd have to stop drinking. That window was not me. I had nothing to do with that. I've been sober now for 14 years.
I feel this in my bones! This hit me hard today, as I am debating whether to “just wait until July 1st”. To make the choice and commitment to quit for good on my own terms is absolutely a privilege, in my mind. One that may not be there forever.
Jump now. You’ll never regret it.
You can do it, Anne!!!!
Thank you Laura. I'm grateful to hear this message and for its guiding light on the sober path. 2+ years and I don't want to go back. xoxo
Thank you. I needed this today. Sober-ish for 4 years and went out 2 years ago. It’s a struggle to get back on the path of recovery but I keep trying.
I believe in you. x
Oh, Laura! Thank you for this one. So many deep truths.
I'm 2 years sober (I believe in the luck and the universe and the pieces lining up), but I've watched windows open and close on my dreams and desires for my future. Your writing is such a good reminder.
I also recognize that "having all the time in world" is as dangerous of an excuse as "not having enough time." I sometimes tell myself I'll never be able to get physically fit or plant a garden or go on that expensive trip because there's not enough time for me, but that's a lie and it all starts with the first step.