This is something I’m journeying through as well. I came across two readings that settled my soft part right into place. 💙 One is Rupi’s the other is Lao Tzu from, I think, the Tao Te Ching?
“Water is fluid, soft, and yielding. But water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield. As a rule, whatever is fluid, soft, and yielding will overcome whatever is rigid and hard. This is another paradox: what is soft is strong.”
I am here for the T Swift theme! Can't wait to read what you write about the Great War. I too feel like I'm too soft for this world, and surprisingly -- parenting has made me softer, which feels like I'm going the wrong direction. Shouldn't parents be stronger? Yet here I am, ugly tears and fetal position for every stage of it. Would've, Could've Should've, am i right? ;)
I had not caught that lyric either...and wow this whole post hits home. Literally as I am currently home, after taking a personal leave day, to just sit with my dogs and try to feel the feelings of why this world seems to be too much for me. I am definitely feeling 100% too soft for all of this. Too alone, too fearful of rejection both personally and professionaly, and to vulnerable to exist. I know feeling like this, for me, is temporary but it seems to be coming up more and more often of late. Winter doesn't help. Stagnation at work doesn't help. I have been sober for almost 3 years and I have got to figure out ways to find some meaningful connection in my life. It has been a struggle. Anyway thank you for sharing this, Laura. Early in my attempts at sobriety you and Holly's old podcast HOME was really helpful to me and I still have my We are the Luckiest tee-shirt.
This makes me like you more Laura. This was beautifully written. It seems to me like you have a lot going on and are trying to process what can feel like competing feelings--strong and soft. It resonated with me! Thanks for highlighting that TS song too.
That line resonated with me hugely as well, for different reasons. I’ve been an attorney for 15 years and (thankfully) been focused on teaching law recently. It’s a huge relief to be out of the grind and conflict of private practice... I can’t do the billable hours, I can’t hang with the negative energy of opposing someone all the time, I am too much of a people pleaser to be able to take on my clients’ problems and have the chutzpah to assert that I am the one who can solve them. I’m just too soft for all of it.
Such a great post. I'm right there with you! I have a situation in my life where I am experiencing judgement and shame from someone I thought was a friend. It all feels so sad. My instinct was to jump all over myself and proclaim their opinion as true but my "better" self said: hang on, you don't need to fight. Get quiet and try to love yourself. You know the truth. In other words, be soft. I can't say it isn't hard and maybe I won't be able to hang on to this for ever, but for now, it feels right and brings me a lot of calm.
Also, hang on to that man. I know you intend to! My husband is absolutely my truest friend, my constant truth teller, the guy who loves me when I don't love myself. What a gift.
Ohhhh how I keep loving Taylor Swift more and more the more I listen. And this post. Yes to all of it, I resonate deeply and my drinking is what held up both the soft and the hard on the back end. And so I am still, a little over 2 years into sobriety learning how to be comfortable with these parts of my humanity. Nice to know I am not alone 🙃 🤍 And also really nice to learn more about your partner and what sounds like a beautiful relationship so thank you for sharing that with us.
I can’t believe what I just read because it is so similar to how I have been feeling and thinking. Thank you. My question to my husband was, “Are you ready to send me to the landfill for how I’ve been for the past month?” 👀😘
I loved this newsletter for so many reasons. First of all, I am also a HUGE Taylor fan and am equally angry about the ticket debacle. I find her music to be healing and wise and deep and beautiful and soothing. Personally, I would love to see a whole year of your newsletters using her lyrics as a starting off point. So genius! Second, I just love that the universe sent you that t-shirt right when you needed it. How wonderful. I find the synchronicity of the universe to be astounding. 💗 Third, I love the honest, raw way that you describe your shame, as I believe most humans can relate. Additionally, that sadness, grief, and crying would feel more welcome than this emotion. Shame is the yuckiest feeling out there. And I am so grateful that both your daughter and T could be there to fully love ALL of you, all your parts.
As a psychotherapist, I have been trying to understand shame and why we are all so damn hard on our selves. These insights have been fascinating and incredibly helpful. From an attachment perspective, we all learn to be hard on ourselves because not only did many of us have critical parents, but we also beat ourselves up because that is safer than being angry/disappointed/let down by our caregivers. It’s much easier to turn that suffering inwards…it keeps our connection with the people we need most. Many of you might already know this, but for me, this insight has been life changing. The second part is harder, when we try (as you were with T and Alma) to shed that shame. One crazy way to do that is by thanking it…because it kept you safe and helped you survive! My sincere apologies for using all this if it feels like too much….for me, it’s clarifying and grounding. :)
Working towards being gentle on ourselves and loving ALL parts of ourselves, I believe is some of the hardest work out there. Thank you again for sharing your vulnerable parts. It always feels like you have a unique and special way to undo our aloneness.
Hi, I ordered my book through Amazon for Kindle. I would like to join your zoom launch on the 8th. Is there an order number somewhere on the Amazon receipt? Thank you!
I have been so busy and stressed I only just finished this news letter. I had to get up early this morning for a conference call, whilst feeding the dog, making sandwiches for school lunch, getting frustrated because someone hadn’t checked something before I did a project presentation to a VP yesterday, and we were mopping up the mess. I am so stressed about college, dorm rooms, acceptances, college visits, awaiting acceptances, money and yes losing my baby. My 18 year old baby. Watching the news of college shootings last night. Checking earthquake fault lines that run thru colleges. Trying to be organized and calm my anxiety that has been whipping around me like a tornado these past few weeks. Anyway I am sitting in my car, poppy in the back, just dropped of the teenager. Taking a breath before I get on another conference call. A to do list as long as my arm. And I stopped. I read this. I listened to the song. And it made me cry. Cry for the soft part of myself. The side that increasingly feels “too soft for it all”. Thank you LM for all you do 💜🫶🦋
This idea of soft and hard resonates so much with me. For many years and I’m sure many women can relate, I felt the need to be “harder” than I truly am. This giant facade I placed in front of me and my heart to try to be accepted - first in high school as someone “alternative”, then in university, as someone who wants to be an “interior designer and forward thinking and of the zeitgeist”.
But then in my 30’s and 40’s and now entering my 50’s, realizing that facade isn’t really important and beneath that surface layer, who am I?? I needed to be hard in my industry to put up with all the cut throat cattiness, but that gets so exhausting.
Some people who thought they knew who I was, were surprised to find out more about the sensitive, gentle, soft, and real me when I started to get honest about who I really was. A few of them didn’t really know how to be with this truer version of Liz. And I’m ok with that.....I’m beautifully discovering.
Hi again! Just needed to share that our yoga teacher today said that we could try "Using our strength and softness together." I just loved that. 2Another sign from the universe! :-)
If life is like a box of chocolates, then I'm soft-centred.
I have a backstory that involves death and sorrow, and most people have tragedy to deal with. But I didn't have the tools given me to handle the pain, so alcohol taught me how to live.
She taught me how to laugh and be funny. I was able to relax and let go. The times when I wasn't good enough, I didn't collapse in front of my partner and admit weakness - I just got drunk and dealt with the consequences of that. Too easy.
Learning to address my suffering and hand the results over to a Higher Power is better for everyone, especially soft-centred, me.
This is something I’m journeying through as well. I came across two readings that settled my soft part right into place. 💙 One is Rupi’s the other is Lao Tzu from, I think, the Tao Te Ching?
“Water is fluid, soft, and yielding. But water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield. As a rule, whatever is fluid, soft, and yielding will overcome whatever is rigid and hard. This is another paradox: what is soft is strong.”
I am here for the T Swift theme! Can't wait to read what you write about the Great War. I too feel like I'm too soft for this world, and surprisingly -- parenting has made me softer, which feels like I'm going the wrong direction. Shouldn't parents be stronger? Yet here I am, ugly tears and fetal position for every stage of it. Would've, Could've Should've, am i right? ;)
I had not caught that lyric either...and wow this whole post hits home. Literally as I am currently home, after taking a personal leave day, to just sit with my dogs and try to feel the feelings of why this world seems to be too much for me. I am definitely feeling 100% too soft for all of this. Too alone, too fearful of rejection both personally and professionaly, and to vulnerable to exist. I know feeling like this, for me, is temporary but it seems to be coming up more and more often of late. Winter doesn't help. Stagnation at work doesn't help. I have been sober for almost 3 years and I have got to figure out ways to find some meaningful connection in my life. It has been a struggle. Anyway thank you for sharing this, Laura. Early in my attempts at sobriety you and Holly's old podcast HOME was really helpful to me and I still have my We are the Luckiest tee-shirt.
This makes me like you more Laura. This was beautifully written. It seems to me like you have a lot going on and are trying to process what can feel like competing feelings--strong and soft. It resonated with me! Thanks for highlighting that TS song too.
That line resonated with me hugely as well, for different reasons. I’ve been an attorney for 15 years and (thankfully) been focused on teaching law recently. It’s a huge relief to be out of the grind and conflict of private practice... I can’t do the billable hours, I can’t hang with the negative energy of opposing someone all the time, I am too much of a people pleaser to be able to take on my clients’ problems and have the chutzpah to assert that I am the one who can solve them. I’m just too soft for all of it.
Such a great post. I'm right there with you! I have a situation in my life where I am experiencing judgement and shame from someone I thought was a friend. It all feels so sad. My instinct was to jump all over myself and proclaim their opinion as true but my "better" self said: hang on, you don't need to fight. Get quiet and try to love yourself. You know the truth. In other words, be soft. I can't say it isn't hard and maybe I won't be able to hang on to this for ever, but for now, it feels right and brings me a lot of calm.
Also, hang on to that man. I know you intend to! My husband is absolutely my truest friend, my constant truth teller, the guy who loves me when I don't love myself. What a gift.
Ohhhh how I keep loving Taylor Swift more and more the more I listen. And this post. Yes to all of it, I resonate deeply and my drinking is what held up both the soft and the hard on the back end. And so I am still, a little over 2 years into sobriety learning how to be comfortable with these parts of my humanity. Nice to know I am not alone 🙃 🤍 And also really nice to learn more about your partner and what sounds like a beautiful relationship so thank you for sharing that with us.
I can’t believe what I just read because it is so similar to how I have been feeling and thinking. Thank you. My question to my husband was, “Are you ready to send me to the landfill for how I’ve been for the past month?” 👀😘
Love this and feel this. Love Taylor also and still mad about it too!
This makes me like Taylor Swift more <3
Dear Laura,
I loved this newsletter for so many reasons. First of all, I am also a HUGE Taylor fan and am equally angry about the ticket debacle. I find her music to be healing and wise and deep and beautiful and soothing. Personally, I would love to see a whole year of your newsletters using her lyrics as a starting off point. So genius! Second, I just love that the universe sent you that t-shirt right when you needed it. How wonderful. I find the synchronicity of the universe to be astounding. 💗 Third, I love the honest, raw way that you describe your shame, as I believe most humans can relate. Additionally, that sadness, grief, and crying would feel more welcome than this emotion. Shame is the yuckiest feeling out there. And I am so grateful that both your daughter and T could be there to fully love ALL of you, all your parts.
As a psychotherapist, I have been trying to understand shame and why we are all so damn hard on our selves. These insights have been fascinating and incredibly helpful. From an attachment perspective, we all learn to be hard on ourselves because not only did many of us have critical parents, but we also beat ourselves up because that is safer than being angry/disappointed/let down by our caregivers. It’s much easier to turn that suffering inwards…it keeps our connection with the people we need most. Many of you might already know this, but for me, this insight has been life changing. The second part is harder, when we try (as you were with T and Alma) to shed that shame. One crazy way to do that is by thanking it…because it kept you safe and helped you survive! My sincere apologies for using all this if it feels like too much….for me, it’s clarifying and grounding. :)
Working towards being gentle on ourselves and loving ALL parts of ourselves, I believe is some of the hardest work out there. Thank you again for sharing your vulnerable parts. It always feels like you have a unique and special way to undo our aloneness.
Much love,
Emily
Hi, I ordered my book through Amazon for Kindle. I would like to join your zoom launch on the 8th. Is there an order number somewhere on the Amazon receipt? Thank you!
I have been so busy and stressed I only just finished this news letter. I had to get up early this morning for a conference call, whilst feeding the dog, making sandwiches for school lunch, getting frustrated because someone hadn’t checked something before I did a project presentation to a VP yesterday, and we were mopping up the mess. I am so stressed about college, dorm rooms, acceptances, college visits, awaiting acceptances, money and yes losing my baby. My 18 year old baby. Watching the news of college shootings last night. Checking earthquake fault lines that run thru colleges. Trying to be organized and calm my anxiety that has been whipping around me like a tornado these past few weeks. Anyway I am sitting in my car, poppy in the back, just dropped of the teenager. Taking a breath before I get on another conference call. A to do list as long as my arm. And I stopped. I read this. I listened to the song. And it made me cry. Cry for the soft part of myself. The side that increasingly feels “too soft for it all”. Thank you LM for all you do 💜🫶🦋
Thank you Laura and Taylor! 💜💜💜
This idea of soft and hard resonates so much with me. For many years and I’m sure many women can relate, I felt the need to be “harder” than I truly am. This giant facade I placed in front of me and my heart to try to be accepted - first in high school as someone “alternative”, then in university, as someone who wants to be an “interior designer and forward thinking and of the zeitgeist”.
But then in my 30’s and 40’s and now entering my 50’s, realizing that facade isn’t really important and beneath that surface layer, who am I?? I needed to be hard in my industry to put up with all the cut throat cattiness, but that gets so exhausting.
Some people who thought they knew who I was, were surprised to find out more about the sensitive, gentle, soft, and real me when I started to get honest about who I really was. A few of them didn’t really know how to be with this truer version of Liz. And I’m ok with that.....I’m beautifully discovering.
Hi again! Just needed to share that our yoga teacher today said that we could try "Using our strength and softness together." I just loved that. 2Another sign from the universe! :-)
If life is like a box of chocolates, then I'm soft-centred.
I have a backstory that involves death and sorrow, and most people have tragedy to deal with. But I didn't have the tools given me to handle the pain, so alcohol taught me how to live.
She taught me how to laugh and be funny. I was able to relax and let go. The times when I wasn't good enough, I didn't collapse in front of my partner and admit weakness - I just got drunk and dealt with the consequences of that. Too easy.
Learning to address my suffering and hand the results over to a Higher Power is better for everyone, especially soft-centred, me.