UPDATE: I'm answering a few of these this morning and will continue to in the coming days. These are such beautiful questions and I am genuinely enjoying engaging with them and you. They're also sparking some great ideas about future essays and offerings.
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Oh my WORD, these questions! Thank you so much, all of you. I've got to pivot to something else now but I'll come back to them later today (and this week) to answer as many as I can. I just love and appreciate you all so much for being here and trusting me with your minds and hearts. Thank you!
Hi Laura! Cool idea with the Q&A. Here's my question: how did you know it was time for a divorce? Like, KNOW know. I quit drinking nearly 5 years ago and I feel like my marriage will just never be the same as it was when we were partying together. It's like we built the foundation on a bunch of booze and now that it's not there, it feels empty. I know you were still drinking when you split from your husband, but any advice for how to navigate marriage as a sober person with someone who still drinks? (I realize there are like 4 questions here, sorry!) Thank you!!
Hi Laura! Thanks for allowing us in your world. I’m wondering how you’re currently negotiating your relationship with social media. I remember you took a break a few years back and I believe you’re back on. As someone who has done something similar and struggles with the additive and equally diminishing aspect social media plays in my life, I’d love to hear your thoughts and feelings on where you are now in your relationship with social media. Thanks!
I love your stuff about working up the strength to make hard decisions or have hard conversations or do anything that is HARD. The woman who told you, “You be the one to push off from here.” I love her and I don’t even know her. My question is why the F does it take so long to work up that strength? Like, I am driving myself bonkers with avoiding something HARD, despite having nearly 2 yrs of sobriety, great people in my life, and a fitness regimen that has me in the best shape of my life at nearly 52 yrs old. How do I battle that avoidance of the hard thing without losing my shit?
I love you, man. Don’t ever stop doing what you’re doing.
I love your writing, your honesty and your brilliant approach to a sober life. I would love any advice on helping my 21 year old-- for whom alcohol has brought nothing but trauma, bad decisions and loss. She is a beautiful, smart, hilarious and soulful university student and we're as close as can be. The only conflict in our relationship--(and that includes her dad and her sister i.e. our family) is her dependence on alcohol. It's like a terrible secret she can't share (although we have broached it many times,) and it causes so much heartache for all of us. We all know she will have to stop drinking eventually -- but as a 21-year-old living on campus it's hardly surprising that not only can she not imagine it - she has no plans to stop any time soon. Instead, she constantly creates new "rules" for herself (much like the young woman in "Drinking Games" i.e. "no shots, only 2 coolers, drink water.." and seems to think she's handling it. (in truth she has improved over the last few tumultuous years.) But it's plain to anyone who watches her around alcohol (like only a mother can!) that her relationship to it-- and the effect it has on her -- is vastly different from her friends, her sister, myself. I once asked if she could ever imagine stopping drinking, to which she answered "Never." "Why?" "Because I love it." Her response was both scary and sad. We don't -- and can't-- prevent her from drinking and it hasn't come to the point where we ban alcohol in the house (she's still an excellent student and maintains close friendships,) but she is coming home for 4 months and it's a source of constant stress and worry. I want the world for her and I know in my heart that to make her dreams comes true, to maintain health and happiness and future employment, she has to live a sober life. Thank you so much for this space!!
Thank you for doing this Laura. My question is around working towards writing a memoir, and starting with substack to establish an audience. I’ve read your book (multiple times) and understand that you got your start blogging, and gaining traction that way. Is that correct?
I am not a trained writer, and only found it in the last couple years. I do have a story, one that cannot be published until certain people are no longer here with us. Not all of what I feel and experience can be shared on substack. I suspect you must have experienced this yourself as you navigated your recovery in the early days?
My question for you is: how did you gain traction/credibility as a writer prior to your book so when you were ready to publish you had the audience and support required for such an endeavor?
Hi Laura. I’m wondering (in your experience) if I’ll ever truly be free of the shame I feel about my past. As my sober years increase I get further and further away from it, but sometimes I am transported back—through memories, dreams, flashbacks and I just cringe and feel like I am shrinking inside.
I spend less and less time in that space so I do feel like it is getting smaller…but is it ever really gone? I feel that I try to think of those moments as reminders of a place I never want to be again…like a protective mechanism for my entire organism, and for that I am grateful for the reminder. But it’s still painful. Shame….it’s a tough one.
How do you manage the ups and downs of early sobriety? I miss the numb but also at the same time, I no longer want to feel numb. (hi from the land of cognitive dissonance)
Hi Laura. Sober for 5 months now. I'm 39. If that matters. Both of your books matter the world to me, and carry them to places I may need reinforcement to keep telling myself how great I'm doing and how far I've come. I have a small book published where I'm getting feedback from people coming up to me after talks or through text of friends who gave a copy to someone dealing with something dark. The topics of which I won't say, are very deep. I feel really happy that just a few of my poems of hope has helped them.
I'm working on submitting a proposal to a few major publishers, including the one of your first book. I have a lot to say. I look back at my writings, sometimes in tears, sometimes underwhelmed. I need every word to mean something towards the next in a very particular way. My question is this. When writing a piece on substack, a chapter of your book, or anything else. What's the process? Do you write it, let it breathe for a day, go back with new emerging thoughts? Or once written, do you not overthink it, and if it seems viable towards your goal for that writing, you let it be? I think I just try to make everything so perfect, and as I've learned being sober, nothing is perfect. Ok, thank you very much. Have a wonderful day today.
So, you've been married, separated, and divorced. Now you are engaged. How did you get to a place where you knew it was a good idea to say forever again? (I'm nearly divorced, hate everything, and cannot imagine that kind of trust again.) Time? Growth? Or was it just so obvious because of the person? I guess I just want to hear something positive from anyone about life after divorce.
Hi! Thank you for this opportunity! So I am about 16 months, sober, and thinking of writing a memoir. I am the furthest thing from being a writer but I have so much inside that I want to get out and share. I am a blend of a few programs, including AA , ACA, Sober Sis, and my faith. To be completely honest, I’m not even much of a reader I have an eye disorder that causes my eyes to fatigue very easily when I’m reading, as well as the words to jump around on the page I really want to write this book but I think I am insane for even thinking this. Would appreciate any feedback. Thanks so so much. I really enjoyed your book We are the luckiest I have not read pushoff from here yet.
I’m 7 years sober and parenting a teenager. It has challenged my newfound emotional regulation skills. I was wondering how you navigate parenting a teenager and what challenges it has brought up for you.
UPDATE: I'm answering a few of these this morning and will continue to in the coming days. These are such beautiful questions and I am genuinely enjoying engaging with them and you. They're also sparking some great ideas about future essays and offerings.
---------------------
Oh my WORD, these questions! Thank you so much, all of you. I've got to pivot to something else now but I'll come back to them later today (and this week) to answer as many as I can. I just love and appreciate you all so much for being here and trusting me with your minds and hearts. Thank you!
Just to say your podcast with Glennon has changed my life, i am very grateful and i can't wait for your book to come out in the UK
Hi Laura! Cool idea with the Q&A. Here's my question: how did you know it was time for a divorce? Like, KNOW know. I quit drinking nearly 5 years ago and I feel like my marriage will just never be the same as it was when we were partying together. It's like we built the foundation on a bunch of booze and now that it's not there, it feels empty. I know you were still drinking when you split from your husband, but any advice for how to navigate marriage as a sober person with someone who still drinks? (I realize there are like 4 questions here, sorry!) Thank you!!
Hi Laura! Thanks for allowing us in your world. I’m wondering how you’re currently negotiating your relationship with social media. I remember you took a break a few years back and I believe you’re back on. As someone who has done something similar and struggles with the additive and equally diminishing aspect social media plays in my life, I’d love to hear your thoughts and feelings on where you are now in your relationship with social media. Thanks!
I love your stuff about working up the strength to make hard decisions or have hard conversations or do anything that is HARD. The woman who told you, “You be the one to push off from here.” I love her and I don’t even know her. My question is why the F does it take so long to work up that strength? Like, I am driving myself bonkers with avoiding something HARD, despite having nearly 2 yrs of sobriety, great people in my life, and a fitness regimen that has me in the best shape of my life at nearly 52 yrs old. How do I battle that avoidance of the hard thing without losing my shit?
I love you, man. Don’t ever stop doing what you’re doing.
I love your writing, your honesty and your brilliant approach to a sober life. I would love any advice on helping my 21 year old-- for whom alcohol has brought nothing but trauma, bad decisions and loss. She is a beautiful, smart, hilarious and soulful university student and we're as close as can be. The only conflict in our relationship--(and that includes her dad and her sister i.e. our family) is her dependence on alcohol. It's like a terrible secret she can't share (although we have broached it many times,) and it causes so much heartache for all of us. We all know she will have to stop drinking eventually -- but as a 21-year-old living on campus it's hardly surprising that not only can she not imagine it - she has no plans to stop any time soon. Instead, she constantly creates new "rules" for herself (much like the young woman in "Drinking Games" i.e. "no shots, only 2 coolers, drink water.." and seems to think she's handling it. (in truth she has improved over the last few tumultuous years.) But it's plain to anyone who watches her around alcohol (like only a mother can!) that her relationship to it-- and the effect it has on her -- is vastly different from her friends, her sister, myself. I once asked if she could ever imagine stopping drinking, to which she answered "Never." "Why?" "Because I love it." Her response was both scary and sad. We don't -- and can't-- prevent her from drinking and it hasn't come to the point where we ban alcohol in the house (she's still an excellent student and maintains close friendships,) but she is coming home for 4 months and it's a source of constant stress and worry. I want the world for her and I know in my heart that to make her dreams comes true, to maintain health and happiness and future employment, she has to live a sober life. Thank you so much for this space!!
Thank you for doing this Laura. My question is around working towards writing a memoir, and starting with substack to establish an audience. I’ve read your book (multiple times) and understand that you got your start blogging, and gaining traction that way. Is that correct?
I am not a trained writer, and only found it in the last couple years. I do have a story, one that cannot be published until certain people are no longer here with us. Not all of what I feel and experience can be shared on substack. I suspect you must have experienced this yourself as you navigated your recovery in the early days?
My question for you is: how did you gain traction/credibility as a writer prior to your book so when you were ready to publish you had the audience and support required for such an endeavor?
Hi Laura. I’m wondering (in your experience) if I’ll ever truly be free of the shame I feel about my past. As my sober years increase I get further and further away from it, but sometimes I am transported back—through memories, dreams, flashbacks and I just cringe and feel like I am shrinking inside.
I spend less and less time in that space so I do feel like it is getting smaller…but is it ever really gone? I feel that I try to think of those moments as reminders of a place I never want to be again…like a protective mechanism for my entire organism, and for that I am grateful for the reminder. But it’s still painful. Shame….it’s a tough one.
❤️🙏🏽
How do you manage the ups and downs of early sobriety? I miss the numb but also at the same time, I no longer want to feel numb. (hi from the land of cognitive dissonance)
Hi Laura. Sober for 5 months now. I'm 39. If that matters. Both of your books matter the world to me, and carry them to places I may need reinforcement to keep telling myself how great I'm doing and how far I've come. I have a small book published where I'm getting feedback from people coming up to me after talks or through text of friends who gave a copy to someone dealing with something dark. The topics of which I won't say, are very deep. I feel really happy that just a few of my poems of hope has helped them.
I'm working on submitting a proposal to a few major publishers, including the one of your first book. I have a lot to say. I look back at my writings, sometimes in tears, sometimes underwhelmed. I need every word to mean something towards the next in a very particular way. My question is this. When writing a piece on substack, a chapter of your book, or anything else. What's the process? Do you write it, let it breathe for a day, go back with new emerging thoughts? Or once written, do you not overthink it, and if it seems viable towards your goal for that writing, you let it be? I think I just try to make everything so perfect, and as I've learned being sober, nothing is perfect. Ok, thank you very much. Have a wonderful day today.
Just wanted to say I love everything you write, keep going. I am subscribed to a few substacks and yours is the only one I consistently read.
So, you've been married, separated, and divorced. Now you are engaged. How did you get to a place where you knew it was a good idea to say forever again? (I'm nearly divorced, hate everything, and cannot imagine that kind of trust again.) Time? Growth? Or was it just so obvious because of the person? I guess I just want to hear something positive from anyone about life after divorce.
Many content creators, (for lack of a better word) even those with large numbers of followers seem to quitting these days - claiming burnout.
Do you feel any pressure to put out content in order to maintain a presence/following?
If so how would you avoid the burnout so many seem to be experiencing?
Hi! Thank you for this opportunity! So I am about 16 months, sober, and thinking of writing a memoir. I am the furthest thing from being a writer but I have so much inside that I want to get out and share. I am a blend of a few programs, including AA , ACA, Sober Sis, and my faith. To be completely honest, I’m not even much of a reader I have an eye disorder that causes my eyes to fatigue very easily when I’m reading, as well as the words to jump around on the page I really want to write this book but I think I am insane for even thinking this. Would appreciate any feedback. Thanks so so much. I really enjoyed your book We are the luckiest I have not read pushoff from here yet.
I’m 7 years sober and parenting a teenager. It has challenged my newfound emotional regulation skills. I was wondering how you navigate parenting a teenager and what challenges it has brought up for you.
Just want to say thanks for being you!