30 Comments

THANK YOU, thank you, so many THANK YOUS for writing this. For a variety of reasons but mainly I have taken courses from you in the past and always thought you were over there really only saying "hell yes" to the hell yes's in this perfect way (even though I know you tell us all the time, no gurus). It makes me feel so much more human to know that you too have intense exhaustion, middle aged woman hormone shit (the hormonal migraines are REAL), and sometimes a hard time saying no even to the really good stuff. I just don't think it can be overstated to this generation of women who were sold a story that was a big fat fucking lie in "you can have it all." The more I read or hear women being honest about this the more passionately I want to implore all my friends (and myself) to please just get off the god damn hamster wheel that no one is giving you gold stars for being on and take a big collective deep breath. Now I know you aren't my guru but I am pretty sure you said something to the tune of once, "I didn't work this hard to get sober to then put up with this shit." NO!!! We got sober to create the one wild and precious life we want. So THANK YOU AGAIN! If you post about this every week (only once PLEASE, please for the love, or even once a MONTH IF YOU NEED TO) I will be a very happy substack reader ;). Okay. Now off to fold laundry. Much love!!!

Expand full comment

The thing is, too, I've had different capacities at different times! Pre-covid I was in a different place, the two years before that: different place! It shifts all the time, and we have to allow for that too. We are always changing and there's no arrival or perfect way of doing it. XOXO

Expand full comment

Well put!!

Expand full comment

Two things - first, I turned 40 last year and my periods had been ramping up over the last handful of years to the point where I was losing SO much blood each month I became profoundly anemic... this all kind of hit the fan for me in January and I ended up having a hysterectomy in April! My personal learning here has been less about the hysterectomy but more so that we have been incredibly conditioned to ignore our bodies, especially when it comes to menstrual cycles, and this was such a huge life lesson for me in not abandoning myself time and time again. Second, I can't tell you enough how much I appreciated your mention of being a slow writer. I am relatively early in my writing journey but have been putting pen to paper (and/or fingers to keyboard, ha!) consistently for a few years now and I also feel incredibly, incredibly slow in my process - and I am glad to hear I'm not alone there!

Expand full comment

You have permission to be a slow writer and still call yourself a writer!

Expand full comment

I love and relate to pretty much every single word of this. But I have to give a special call-out to your Lake Michigan reference, for obvious reasons (I’m a Great Lakes girl through and through and live in a city on Lake Michigan) but also because good lord, is that an apt description (every part you described actually) of what it feels like to have your period in your 40s. At nearly 49, I am hoping things turn a big corner very soon!

Another great, I-feel-less-alone newsletter from you, Laura! 💙

Expand full comment

What a real and good post. I turned 60 this year but had really heavy periods from 48 to yep 55!!! So when it ended it was magic and sailed thru the menopause. I love the “slow the fuck down” mentality. A new love that has popped up in my life (I visioned boarded it in 2023 ❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏🦋🦋) have been talking about slowing life down where we can and bringing joy. My kiddo goes to college in August, I have a love in my life so the time is perfect. So yes here is to taking out stuff, slowing down and finding joy in activities outside of busy busy life. Love love the post Laura. Oh and I am going to the sober 90 again as I enter my 3rd year of sobriety at end of June and transition to a empty nester!!!

Expand full comment

A new love, Miranda!!! I love hearing that, I remember when you were hoping for that. xoxo

Expand full comment

My relationship with work and productivity has been one of the most important and difficult things to reset in recovery. I’m still working on it. My drinking enabled me to ‘push through’ and that looked like a form of self abandonment which I still feel at times. Work was my refuge when everything else was turning to shit. Addictions to work and alcohol were completely intertwined for me, and so learning to work without abandoning myself, without ‘pushing through’ is mainly what recovery is about for me. I’m writing a book about it!

Expand full comment

So glad you're writing a book about it! It's so real. SO REAL.

Expand full comment

Laura....you are such a beautiful soul and you are always so INTENTIONAL AND WANTING TO BECOME THE BEST VERSION OF YOU WHICH IN TURN MOTIVATES ME TO WANT THE SAME‼️😘❤️

THANK YOU

Expand full comment

Aw thank you Mary. xo

Expand full comment

Thanks Laura!! I love how you shared your process and your learnings!!! I can relate to so much, especially when you shared about clearing things off your schedule only to turn around to fill that slot in with new tasks! I’ve done that so many times. Progress has been slow and steady. Your strategy for going forward looks super!

PS: saw your new book in bookstore last week when I was traveling in western Canada and thought, “Hey, I know her!”🙂

Expand full comment

IUD= gamechanger

Expand full comment

I've heard this so many times!

Expand full comment

As to the footnote! That was going to be my suggestion! It helped me tremendously!

Expand full comment

It’s great that you’re modeling self care and how to value yourself and your time (apart from money). And great insights from someone in the midst of peri-menopause. It’s impressive that you even have the brain space to notice what’s going on and when, and to plan around it. No “duh” here. I just flailed my way through most of the time. I do get the working too much even when you hate your job. Thanks for sharing that big and all the rest. (And btw - I am really liking being post menopausal. Who would have thought?)

Expand full comment

Oh, I'm flailing too lol. And I've heard from MANY women who say they love being post-menopausal. It makes sense to me, and not just because you don't deal with periods anymore.

Expand full comment

#1 - "Work is my default, my safe space, my go-to. I love what I do, so I like working a lot, but honestly, even when I’ve hated my jobs, I still worked my ass off. Work has always been a place where I feel in control and competent. I get a lot of my worth from my output. It’s kept me from feeling things I don’t want to feel and looking at things I don’t want to look at." Wow. Yes. I was in a similar mode for decades. Some major changes over the past 6 yrs helped me down shift away from my all-consuming 'work identity'. I now work for myself away from that spotlight. That change from over-identifying with work (workaholism) was braided in with my setting down the alcohol for good and living AF. These two shifts were complete game changers for me.

#2 - I too had a similar menstruation pattern as you describe until 3 yrs ago @ 50. Now it's a zany peri menopause roller coaster I look forward to getting off... This NYT article (Here Come the Flash Periods 6/12/23) really articulates it well : https://www.nytimes.com/2023/06/12/well/live/perimenopause-periods-menstrual-cycle.html

Expand full comment

Do you know how nice it was to read what you wrote about being a slow writer? I am a slow writer too. I remember at your event in La Jolla, you said “you can’t rush good writing.” I’ve harkened back to that several times since then. But more often than not, when my wiring feels especially slow, the negative thoughts creep in. “This isn’t any good.” “You’re not that good of a writer.” “Why is this taking so long to get right?” Etc. If a great writer like you also writes slow, there is hope for me!

Nothing to add on the period stuff, other than we men would not survive if we had menstrual cycles. No way.

Expand full comment

Slow writers unite, Todd! I’m a slow reader, too. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Expand full comment

I had similar issues . Uterine ablation fixed it . Awesome . Bleeding almost totally stopped . No more anemia . Have you had your iron checked ?

Expand full comment

Ugh, I seriously need to pair down my schedule. I am having the same struggle where I try to clear out a couple weekends for myself, and somehow magically my schedule is fully booked out for the next month 😅

Expand full comment

Make it a summer experiment!

Expand full comment

Worth from my output (or the size of the paycheck). Was JUST talking to my daughter about this today. It's been deeply ingrained in me and am trying to stop!

Expand full comment

Thank you for talking about this LMK! We don’t do that enough!

The period stuff can be SO rough for us.

I had a lifetime of it. The good news is it is absolutely changeable. I personally found a functional medicine practitioner re: hormone balance, and she has changed my life by doing a deep dive on checking ALLLL the hormones, and there are many! (This is not any kind of ad or weird MLM shit).

I was absolutely suffering needlessly, and have found through supplementation (there are a multitude of options) I am feeling like a new person. I know more and more options are becoming available, check your local area for functional medicine hormone docs (mine is a DNP (doctor of nursing practice)

I’m happy to chat with anyone about my experience.

Again, 100% not pushing or selling anything.

The facts are that people with female reproductive organs suffer needlessly, often in silence and without support around our hormones, menstrual, menopause cycles etc.

We need more community around this, because it’s fixable or at least improvable.

Expand full comment